would you stay would you go - [jagger/cain/del]

[delilah symone richards]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) idgaf ( TAGGED ) RENEE/JAGGER&CAIN ( NOTES ) F U JAGGER Reality had a way of slapping you in the face when someone important was hurt. And when Del had first heard of Cain's accident she quite literally felt like she'd taken a brick to the face. It was like she couldn't believe that it was happening. She hadn't either until she'd walked into that hospital room and there was Cain laying in that bed all kinds of messed up. To say that it was an image that she would rather not have ever seen was a bit of an understatement. But it was burned into her mind, etched behind her eyelids like something that she would always be cursed with seeing every time that she closed her eyes. Everything seemed to be in the clear though, everything seemed like it was going to be okay. He was home and everyone was taking shifts to make sure that nothing went wrong, that he was healing up fine. The call that she'd gotten from Jason when he fell into a coma, it had felt like her heart had fallen out of her ass. She'd been convinced that seeing him in the hospital the first go around had been the worst, most heart-breaking thing that she'd ever experienced, and then she walked into the hospital room again. And there was Jagger. Clung to his side, in that chair right beside his bed with his hand slipped right into Cain's. He looked tired, he looked like he hadn't eaten, and she was quite sure that she'd never seen someone so worried in her entire life. It was a heartbreaking sight, something that just shook her even more. It wasn't just that someone in their makeshift family was hurt. It was that it was Cain. And Jagger was there. Word had traveled in their small group about the love affair that had been going on behind all of their backs and lord knew that once light was shone on that she felt like an idiot for never seeing it before. It had been so obvious. So very apparent. No two people among their group were closer than Jagger and Cain. Their friendship, it was something that everyone saw, everyone knew it couldn't be severed. It was a shock to Del when Jagger had to adamantly made sure that Cain didn't know that he was taking a shift. She'd almost gotten into a fight with him for threatening Brad like he had. Hell, she'd been half tempted to just tell Cain because it was all just so stupid. But now, Jagger wasn't leaving. And she knew it. She could see everything painted on his face. The hard and strong man that she had always known as Jagger Wilson wasn't there any longer. Who was there was a broken man. A worried man. A man who was having to watch the person that he loved sleep in a bed with no telling when he would wake up again. "Hey," she'd said quietly moving to the other side of the bed and brushing some of Cain's hair away from his forehead so that she could press a kiss to his forehead. Jagger made some mumbling about going to the bathroom and then being right back. All that Del did was nod before she took a seat on the edge of the bed smiling weakly at her friend. "Hey Cain, it's Del. Come back to us man. We need you. Who the fuck else is going to keep Jagger in line?" she spoke and let out a forced laugh. That's when it happened. His face scrunched and a groan came from the man. Del's eyes grew wide and then his eyes opened, if only for a moment and he looked at her confused for a brief moment. Del hopped off of the bed and started looking around for anyone. Jagger, Kendall, someone. He'd woken up. Only a bit, but she just knew in her heart that he was coming back to her. "JAGGER!" she called out into the hall when her eyes landed on him, the look on her face telling him to hurry his ass up and get into the room. cain livesssss

table by CALIFORNIA DREAMING of CAUTION 2.0, lyrics by maroon 5

[jagger owen wilson]

s h o u ld i g i v e u p o r s h o u l d i

just keep chasing pavements even though it

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g79/Juliart/background_black.jpg');,true][cs=2] L E A D S T O N O W H E R E

[atrb=width,240] he hadn't slept. not really. he'd passed out for about twenty minutes at a time every now and then but he always woke right back up because he heard a sound or a beep or a voice. then he would check frantically to make sure that everything was okay with cain and when everything passed his inspection, he would take his seat again, still clinging to his best friend's hand as though it was his life force. which maybe it was. after finding him, there had been little else on jagger's mind. all he had lived and breathed was cain and cain's welfare and making sure cain was okay. he tensed every time a doctor came in to check on him, unnatural possessiveness rising in his chest as they checked his injuries, his pulse, everything they could, standing over him in their scrubs and stupid white coats. he honestly wished he could swat all their hands away, tell them that he had it all taken care of, but as they had medical training and he did not, he didn't. he just bit his tongue and sat back to let them do their job. but nothing was working. and because of it, jagger rarely left the hospital room except to use the restroom and even then he hurried back so quickly it was like he was never gone. he didn't trust anyone else to be with cain. when people visited he didn't want to see, he yelled at them to just go away and most of the time they did. and when they didn't, he had no problems picking them up and throwing them out. the hospital personnel were beginning to get really annoyed with him; he could feel it. but he didn't care. this was on him. this was his fault. he had tried being with cain without actually being with him and it had gotten him in a wreck. and he had tried avoiding him and it had landed him in a coma. so now he was saying fuck you to the universe, fuck you to everything bad that had ever happened to him, fuck you to the laws of nature and he was staying by cain's side this time. he wasn't leaving. he wasn't going to leave him alone. he promised he wouldn't. maybe it was a promise made years ago that most people didn't pay attention to now but it was still a promise and it meant the world to him. sealed with a kiss. everything a promise was supposed to be. he had never turned his back on it before even if it seemed like he had and now he was putting his everything into ensuring that cain knew he was never going to be alone even while in a coma. he had tried everything. when no one was around, he talked to him, holding tight to his hand and just telling him about his day and how everyone was doing and the texts he would receive. sometimes he just sat there and told him he loved him over and over, hoping maybe it would stir something in him. other times he would just sit in silence and hold his hand, push back his hair, straighten his bed sheets. anything in the world he could do to let cain know he was there. he hadn't shown up to work since he admitted cain to the hospital. he'd canceled all his appointments. hell, he hadn't even left the goddamn room really. everyone was a bit worried and jason had called a couple times asking him to come home. but he adamantly refused. cain needed him. this wasn't addison or celia or dylan or anyone else he could gladly leave behind. this was cain. this was the most important person in his entire life, the one person who had taught him how to love again after the world completely fucked him over. this was an emergency that he couldn't explain to anyone else except for telling them he loved him and even then they just gave him this blank little smile like they'd forgotten that he'd already been through this with the first love of his life. and he wasn't about to go through it again with the second. not on his goddamn life. when del walked in, he offered her up a tight smile. most people in the wilson clan had been periodically dropping by, either to check on him or to check on cain. or both. kendall skittered in and out during her shifts and when jason and alec weren't working or at school, they oftentimes dropped by and jagger would just sit there with his jaw clenched as alec put his arm around his brother and for once said nothing. jason would talk to cain, tell him about what he learned in class or read him a book while pausing occasionally as if allowing time for cain to make a sassy remark. and when none came, he usually looked crestfallen. even noah came by to visit, giving him a tight smile and trying to lighten the mood by picking fun at their recently revealed relationship of sorts but jagger honestly wasn't in the mood. noah was more than usually tossed out. del, though, was always easy to be in the same room with as she usually handled situations the same way he did. but he came to find that when she kissed cain's forehead he really couldn't take it. he quietly excused himself for a short bathroom break and left the room to give del her privacy. like him, sometimes she probably just needed it. when he got out of the bathroom though and began to make his way back toward the room, del wasn't in there. she was outside in the hallway like some kind of lunatic and the first thought that sprung to mind was that something was wrong. and when she shouted his name it was honestly all he could do not to push her out of his way as he jogged back to the room, heart pounding. did something go wrong? was cain okay? did something happen? "what?" he asked as he approached her, walking into the room. "shit, what is it? is he okay? did something happen? i shouldn't have left the god damn room just..." then he looked over at the bed and trailed off. because there was definitely a change. there was definitely something different. "cain."

[atrb=width,100] words , enough to TRY AND REPAIR MY FUCKING HEART tagged , kit as delilah and groggy cain ! notes , BABIES

TEMPLATE BY THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE MIKEY @ CAUTION 2.0

[delilah symone richards]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) idgaf ( TAGGED ) RENEE/JAGGER&CAIN ( NOTES ) LOLWUT With the look that had crossed Jagger's face as soon as she had called for him she realized that maybe it really wasn't the best thing for her to have yelled for him like that. She was in some kind of shock though, some kind of space where she had no clue what it was that was happening. She'd known what she'd seen. She'd known that he had woken up if only a little bit and she needed Jagger to be there. If only because all the times that that Cain had woken up back at the house Jagger hadn't been. He'd rushed out of the room when he showed signs of waking like some kind of pussy. Del had been the one that usually took the first shift after Cain woke up, so hers and Jagger's time tended to overlap more often than not. When Jagger's words came flying out of his mouth though she knew that maybe she shouldn't have yelled for him. After all, there was so much that could've gone wrong and she didn't want to worry him, she really didn't. There was a small smile on her face though as she came back into the room, standing at Jagger's side. Del couldn't help herself. She closed the gap between herself and Jagger wrapping her arms tightly around him. "He's waking up Jagger," she said her tone much softer than it had been when she had yelled for him. She pulled away so that her eyes could lock onto his. "He's starting to wake up." Of course, there was a part of Del that wondered just how Jagger was going to take this. If he was going to be all kinds of sunshine and roses and stay right by his bed side until his lover finally came all the way into a conscious state, or if he was going to be some kind of ass hole and claim that he hadn't been there at all. Make those stupid threats like he had before if anyone let Cain know that he'd been taking the longest shift. Now Del wasn't going to go on saying that this was Jagger's fault, because really, it wasn't. She didn't know if the wreck was intentional or if it was some kind of accident. All that she knew was that when Jagger and Cain fought, really fought and apparently didn't make up with sex, it was like the end of the world was coming. She would be the first to say that out of everyone in the clan if there were two people who literally wouldn't be able to live without each other, it was Jagger and Cain. They shared a bond that everyone saw but no one ever talked about. Except for recently of course because just about every one of them felt some breed of stupid for not realizing before that there was something going on between the two of them. There was no getting that smile off of Del's face though. Hell, nothing could put her in a bad mood right about then. If only because Cain was waking up. He was going to be okay. And fuck, nothing else should go wrong with anyone in their little group anytime soon or she was quite sure that everyone might end up having some sort of anxiety attack. Most likely Jason. the template is smarter than me

table by CALIFORNIA DREAMING of CAUTION 2.0, lyrics by maroon 5

[jagger owen wilson]

s h o u ld i g i v e u p o r s h o u l d i

just keep chasing pavements even though it

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g79/Juliart/background_black.jpg');,true][cs=2] L E A D S T O N O W H E R E

[atrb=width,240] he was waking up. cain. he was waking up. jagger wasn't sure how to handle that news. maybe it was the lack of sleep and the delirium it put him in or maybe the shock of knowing that after sitting there for days progress had been achieved, but for a moment he just sort of stood there dumbly, staring at cain like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. absentmindedly, he wrapped his arms around del as she walked up to pull him into an embrace but his mind didn't really seem to be processing it. he could only focus on cain and the fact that cain was waking up and cain was alive and cain was coming back to them. and cain was going to know that he was there, he was going to know that he had been waiting there day and night and he couldn't. he couldn't know, he couldn't know that jagger had thrown it all away just to come back when he thought he was without him. he thought he'd be able to stand it but he couldn't. he couldn't bring himself to want to stay. maybe it was because when he had been sitting there it had been with the intent that he was going to be there when cain started to stir. but he had been with him day and night, talking incessantly and falling silent in short intervals, and he had never, ever gotten cain to show any sign that he was going to be waking up other than the occasional rise and then subsequent fall of his heart beat and chest as he breathed. but then he had left the room...left it just for a second and let somebody else take over and that was all it took to bring cain back to them. not him. not any of his waiting or talking, not his presence, not his words. all he'd been working toward had been smashed in an instance and all because cain stirred and it was because he wasn't in the room. cain was beginning to wake and it had nothing to do with him. so maybe he'd been stupid. maybe he only heard what he wanted to hear through that door or later from kendall. maybe he was just...stupid for this. he looked down at del as she began to pull away from him and he wanted to be happy. cain was waking up. and hell he'd admit it - the thought did make him happy, the knowledge that he was awake and now...now everything could go back to normal, couldn't it? though jagger had told olivia to fuck off when she tried to visit, told her that he wasn't going to let cain out of his grasp again, now that cain was awake, how could he even be sure it was what the guy wanted? who in the hell had he been to push away someone who had been making the man he loved happy? maybe he should just...call her, take it all back, let things go back to the way they were. cain didn't need him. it was obvious, it was written all over the situation. and regardless of what he wanted, selfish him, maybe it was better for cain if he just acted like he was never there. maybe it was better for him to do what he'd been doing. say del was there or jason or kendall or...anyone but him, say someone else had been keeping his hand warm and his bed sheets straightened and the hair pushed out of his face. someone else had been talking to him incessantly, someone else had been occupying that chair near his bed. maybe in the end that was all cain needed. he just needed jagger to leave him the hell alone so that he could move on with his life. maybe this...this was just some evidence that he was trying to push something that just wasn't meant to happen. no matter how badly he wanted it to. so when he looked back at cain again, he stammered out, "i should....i should go get kendall. drive home and get jason. uhm. i shouldn't..." he tore his eyes away from him. "i have to go."

[atrb=width,100] words , enough to TRY AND REPAIR MY FUCKING HEART tagged , kit as delilah and groggy cain ! notes , jagger you POO HEAD

TEMPLATE BY THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE MIKEY @ CAUTION 2.0

[cain furion costello]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 2em; -moz-border-radius: 2em; background-image:url(http://i54.tinypic.com/14e9a45.jpg), width: 400px; height: 400px;] You're guaranteed to run this town Woah, Mona Lisa, I'd pay to see you frown He senses something, call it desperation Another dollar, another day And if she had the proper words to say, ( She would tell him But she'd have nothing left to sell him --------------- ! ) cain could not quite explain what was happening in his head. he'd seen through barely opened eyes for a moment and del was there, and he was in the hospital, but then he closed his eyes again and he was still leaning on his door frame with milo and jagger playing in the back yard. but then there were voices. voices that weren't coming from the two people that were in the yard, though one of the voices was jagger's. i have to go he heard it clear as day, though, he wasn't quite sure what he was hearing. because those words did not come from the jagger that was running around in his back yard. they were coming from...somewhere else. the image of his boyfriend and nephew playing started to get fuzzy though, and all he could see was darkness. then cracks of light through his barely opening eyes. and he hurt. god fuckin' dammit, he was hurting and he had no clue why that would be. why would he be hurting. why would there be that insufferable pain in his leg like there had been so many years before. cain let his head roll from one side to the other as if he was trying to shake himself out of the dream that he was having. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? HE FINALLY WAKES UP AND YOU'RE GOING TO RUN OFF LIKE A FUCKING COWARD!" that was del. why was del yelling? and why was jagger being a coward since that was the only person that he could assume that she was talking to. unless there were other voices in the room. but he didn't think that he heard any voices. if he could just open his eyes. if he could just pry them open then he could look around and see what was happening. he let out a cough and that was all that it took to really get his eyes to open. and those blues searched around the room. they looked from the walls, to the window. the the bedside table. his brows knit not sure why he was in a hospital and obviously in a bed. and his leg. fuck, it wasn't just his fuckin leg that was hurting, it was the rest of him, but his leg was hurting the worst. then his eyes landed on the two people in the room and it was del and jagger, just as he had thought. and jagger looked...he didn't even know how to describe how his lover looked. confused, hurt, pissed, everything all at once. then there was del with her fists clutched at her sides and she looked like she was about to hit him. but what? what for? why? why did they both look like they were in such shock and happiness all at once? why the hell was he in so much pain? wasn't he just at his home? wasn't he just watching jagger and milo play in the back yard and having a good time. weren't things just how they were supposed to be. how they had been for years. he didn't remember getting into a wreck. but when he looked down at his body it was an all too familiar sight, he couldn't deal with it. it was much better to deal with the two people that were yelling at each other than it was to deal with himself and the fact that he was hurt and he had no idea why he was hurt, or what had happened. cain opened his mouth to say something but his throat felt dry and he sucked on his tongue to get a bit of moisture before swallowing then clearing his throat. "jagger," he spoke his voice raspy. "get over here you dumb faggot," he said to him his voice soft, but still able to be heard. sure, he might not know what the fuck was going on, but at least he could kiss his boyfriend and feel like he was back to some sort of normalcy. ♥ ♥ ♥ template by hay shay ! @ caution 2.0 LYRICS BY PANIC AT THE DISCO

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[jagger owen wilson]

s h o u ld i g i v e u p o r s h o u l d i

just keep chasing pavements even though it

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[atrb=width,240] del was right. he was a coward. hell, he wasn't ever going to say it out loud but he could admit it to himself. he was a coward and he was afraid of being in love with cain and everything it would entail and everything it could mean and all the ways he could get hurt because of it. he was afraid of stepping out and openly saying that he loved him, and he was afraid of cain knowing he cared because he knew that cain cared. and he knew that if cain knew that he felt the same way then shit - he knew that cain would want a relationship and he knew that it wasn't going to work out. because he was angry and afraid of love and cain was impulsive and had better options lined up for him that jagger couldn't even begin to compare to. he didn't have enough money or affection or kindness to keep cain happy. shit, all he had to offer him was the fact that he loved him and some good genes, and really what the fuck were those anyway? there were people who could give him far more. so yeah, maybe he was a coward for wanting to give cain the best of everything that he could. maybe he was a coward for wanting to save them a struggle, and maybe he was a coward because he wanted cain to be happy. but fuck, was that really such a bad thing to want? jagger could love cain with every fiber of his being - no, shit, jagger did love cain with every fiber of his being but it didn't change the fact that he was jagger wilson. he was mean, he was hurtful, he was jealous, he was vengeful. he was everything that it was horrible for a boyfriend to be and if he stuck around, if he let cain know how he felt, then that was it. he was putting all of that onto his friend's shoulder and shit, him and cain couldn't even be friends without fighting! how the fuck was anyone expecting him to enter a relationship with him? how could he think he could enter a relationship with him? he could live a thousand lives and never be good enough for cain, and cain could commit a thousand crimes and still be too much for him. he knew that. but fuck if that made him a coward for acknowledging then he guessed it was just another reason why he should just let cain continue on with his pathetic excuse for a girlfriend. and he was ready to tell del all of this too. that, fuck, who did she think he was? jason? he wasn't cut out for this kind of shit. he wasn't cut out for love or a relationship or for cain, and the rest of the clan could bitch and moan at him for it but him and cain weren't meant to be! cain was too good, and he was jagger and that just didn't work out because jagger fucking wilson did not do relationships. jagger fucking wilson was going to die alone, single, and most likely early with the way his temper was always flaring up and cain fucking costello was going to grow up, meet a girl or guy who deserved him, and maybe have kids or continue to babysit someone else's and a dog and everything domestic and perfect and beautiful because that was what cain deserved. he deserved a white picket fence and a dog, and jagger could only offer him love and that just wasn't enough. jagger wilson didn't fall in love, and he was about to open his mouth to tell del why. and then cain spoke. and that was it. that was what made him realize that being a coward wasn't fitting. it wasn't what cain needed. cain wanted him to stop running; fuck that was what that whole previous fight was about! cain wanted him to admit that he cared, admit that he was jealous, and like a coward jagger had said no. and like a coward previous to that, he had continually denied that it was anything but sex to him, continually denied that he was gay, continually denied that his sexual relationship with his best friend was anything more than just a way to stop them from fighting. and cain was hurting and it was his fault and even though it was a reason for cain to shove him away and ask to never see him again, he didn't, and for the love of all things holy and good in the world, jagger couldn't for the life of him figure out what he'd done to win cain's love. but it didn't matter. because he did have it, and cain did love him, and no matter what he told himself, it had to hurt cain to hear his lies just as much as it hurt him to tell him. probably more. but this was his chance to make up for it, this was his chance to tell cain he was sorry and that he loved him and that he wasn't going to let him go. all those things that he said to him when he was in a coma, all the times he'd apologized and said he loved him, every time he'd listed off the reasons why. he finally had it in him to tell him, fuck if he was going to be a coward again. his hard glare softened as he tore his eyes away from delilah to look at cain, and he glanced over at her once more before walking up to him and grabbing his hand out of what was now just pure instinct. "cain," he said quietly. it was really all he could manage out to say, "fuck, you're awake," before emotion swallowed the rest of his words.

[atrb=width,100] words , enough to TRY AND REPAIR MY FUCKING HEART tagged , kit as delilah and groggy cain ! notes , alkskf;daklf;aj;ldfa jain

TEMPLATE BY THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE MIKEY @ CAUTION 2.0

[cain furion costello]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 2em; -moz-border-radius: 2em; background-image:url(http://i54.tinypic.com/14e9a45.jpg), width: 400px; height: 400px;] You're guaranteed to run this town Woah, Mona Lisa, I'd pay to see you frown He senses something, call it desperation Another dollar, another day And if she had the proper words to say, ( She would tell him But she'd have nothing left to sell him --------------- ! ) it was taking everything in him to try and figure out what exactly was going on. all he really understood in that moment was that he was in a hospital bed, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out why. and his boyfriend was there, but somehow he just didn't seem the same. and jagger and del had been arguing, but he also couldn't gather the pieces to know just why they were fighting. and if there was one thing that he couldn't ignore, it was that he was in so much pain, but fuck if he could understand why. nothing was making sense. nothing was adding up. all that he knew, all that he felt he had to cling to, was that jagger was there. so he'd called him to him. and once that hand was slipped into his own and he was close enough the other hand moved to grab him by the shirt and pull him down so that he could kiss him. he tried his best to ignore the pain in his ribs, to ignore the pain that was in his leg, and really all over his body, so that he could just kiss his boyfriend and have that. because that wasn't confusing. kissing jagger had always been like coming home. like finding some sense in the world when everything else was tangled and jumbled. he could find peace in his lips, in kissing him, and everything was right for the time that lips and tongue danced with jagger's. then the pain became too much and he pulled away with a soft agonized groan. "fuck, jag, why do i hurt so bad? what the fuck happened?" he spoke in soft tones, his eyes closed as he pressed his forehead against jagger's. he took in a few shaky breaths before he pulled away from him more and looked down at his body. an odd wave of deja vu took him over and his brows knitted. this looked...all too familiar. this looked exactly like he did when he'd been in the wreck five years ago. even if he had gotten into another wreck, there was no way that he could have the same exact injuries. that was like being hit by lightening twice in a row. teeth sunk into his bottom lip as he pulled himself into a sitting position and let out another pained groan. "what....the fuck?" finally came out and then he looked towards jagger with wide eyes then to del who mumbled something about finding kendall before she left the room leaving the pair of them alone. he could feel his heart starting to race and his breath becoming heavy. "why do i look the same way that i did when i got into that wreck five years ago?" he asked those panicked eyed locked on those of his boyfriends. then his eyes started darting around the room more. he was realizing very quickly that nothing was right. nothing in this room was right. he didn't feel right. nothing about any of what was happening made any lick of sense or added up or fuck, it just, it wasn't fucking right. then his eyes moved over his body again and then to the hand that jagger was holding. "no," he spoke in a whisper his eyes darting to jagger's own left hand. the tattoo was missing. the ring tattoo was missing. it wasn't there. he yanked his hand out of jagger's and looked down at his own left ring finger. his wasn't there either. "what the fuck? what in the FUCK?! WHERE IS OUR FUCKING RING TATTOOS?" he spoke in a yell that causing the pain in his ribs to hurt worse and he wrapped an arm around his torso and let out another pained groan this one louder than the ones before it. "why the fuck am i here? where the fuck am i? what the fuck is going on? we were just in our back yard. i was just watching you play with milo. this isn't fucking right!" his breath was heavy and he was panicking worse now than he had been when he'd first realized that something was off. his entire body was shaking, tears were starting to form in his eyes. he needed answers. though, there was this sense of doom hanging over him making him feel like he'd rather not know. ♥ ♥ ♥ template by hay shay ! @ caution 2.0 LYRICS BY PANIC AT THE DISCO

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[jagger owen wilson]

s h o u ld i g i v e u p o r s h o u l d i

just keep chasing pavements even though it

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g79/Juliart/background_black.jpg');,true][cs=2] L E A D S T O N O W H E R E

[atrb=width,240] jagger was shocked by the sudden kiss. not that it was unpleasant. no, he could feel his entire body flood with the warmth of the kiss, the dread that had been hanging over his head while cain was out finally deciding to slip away as his lips finally got to press against cain's again in one of the most familiar motions of their entire friendship. it was far from unpleasant and he wouldn't have pulled away for the world. but he was still surprised. del was in the room. shit, cain had to know del was in the room - she was the one who sort of went in and woke him up. it wasn't like either of them to be so overt about their...whatever they wanted to call it and though everyone was now aware that he had been having sex with cain for far longer than anyone would have suspected, it didn't mean that he was necessarily ready to start...showing affection in front of people. but he came to find after the initial shock that he really didn't care all that much. all that mattered was cain and cain's lips and cain's voice and cain's presence and cain being awake. all that mattered was that he had his best friend, and if he wanted to kiss him then fuck, jagger wasn't going to object. and then cain was pulling away, pressing their foreheads together, and jagger was starting to think that everything was going to be okay. happy ending - roll credits. fade to black. all of that. but then things got weird. not his initial confusion. that was expected. he had been in a coma for fuck's sake, jagger would be amazed if the guy didn't wake up confused. but then he started sputtering about what the fuck happened and what was going on and jagger only looked away briefly when del said she'd find kendall before cain stole his attention again. he wasn't making any sense. five years ago, cain hadn't been in a wreck. five years ago, they had been seventeen and cait had been alive and pregnant and none of them really drove often enough to get in a wreck this bad, especially not cain. jagger would have remembered seeing cain beat up this badly just the same as he did every other time he had to see him hurt. and then things just went borderline insane. what the fuck was cain going on about? what ring tattoos? why was he looking at their hands like that? did he say...did he say their backyard? and who the fucking shit was milo? his groans of pain were throwing him off and jagger's brow furrowed, unsure of how the hell he was supposed to be reacting here. he didn't know what cain was talking about, and he tried to rack his brain for any previous mention of a milo or why cain would think they had fucking matching ring tattoos but he was coming up short. he just knew that cain was freaking out, panicking, and letting out those little pained noises and he had no idea what the fuck to do and hoped it didn't take long to find kendall or cain was going to wear himself out. he stepped forward to press against the side of the bed, reaching out to pull cain toward him into his chest. he knew that was probably could to hurt him but fuck if he was going to let him freak out like that without touching him. "cain calm down," he said, voice shaking slightly as he tried to calm down his own thoughts. how the fuck was he supposed to react like this? this wasn't something that they had warned him about. and who the fuck was milo? "i need you to calm the fuck down, dude, you're going to just...you're gonna fucking hurt yourself." he pressed a kiss to the top of cain's head, holding him close into him, but fuck he didn't know what to say to him. he had never been good at this comforting shit; that was always jason. whenever bad shit happened with cain, usually they just....well, fucked. but that obviously wasn't going to make anything any less confusing. not this time around, especially after what it was that had put cain in that fucking hospital bed in the first place. "you weren't in a wreck five years ago," he said quietly, trying to remember everything he said. "this is the only wreck like this that you've been in, cain, you got really fucking hurt and it's all....all my fucking fault but this isn't about me. and fuck i don't know what tattoos or...who's milo? and....fuck, cain, please just try to calm down until kendall gets in here, you're fucking scaring me. deep breaths and shit."

[atrb=width,100] words , enough to TRY AND REPAIR MY FUCKING HEART tagged , kit as delilah and groggy cain ! notes , ALL THE FEELS THOUGH

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