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Post by marilyn on Mar 19, 2012 22:02:59 GMT -5
sometimes marilyn was reluctant to go over to zane's, not because of remi, or because of her realtions with anyone else, it was just very consuming to go to zanes with little remi and such. she loved the damn girl, really, marilyn loved the little blonde future bombshell. she thought she was so sweet, and marilyn would drop everything for the baby if need be. the thing was just that marilyn wasn't stupid, she knew that zane didn't completely love her being so close to remi and seeing her a lot. she wasn't wanted by any of zane's friends to be around and it was just awkward when she couldn't see zane alone.
mare was looking at remi as she went insane over the dress. the girl was being raised by two men, and a girlish touch sometimes helped, and the dresses that marilyn bought remi were hand picked for her, so she could pass them down and tell her children that no other little girl had that dress, except their mommy when her kids were little. marilyn smiled and nodded, "remi, you are going to look beautiful!" she gave her a huge hug, looking at zane and shrugging. "i had to... i love shopping for her.", mare whispered to zane and gave him a smile.
remi probably had two closets worth of clothing from mare, and she knew that zane probably hated her for buying so many clothes, but the girl deserved everything she got. mare pushed away from zane after a few seconds and leaned into the sofa, looking at remi. mary-linn, you're my mommy!" marilyn smiled, though her brain went insane and as zane gave her the insane look and said what? like he was insanely dissappointed, she looked at him. not looking at remi anymore. what did he mean by that?
was it that she was twenty two and she probably would be a shitty mother? was it that mickey was in the picture and he didn't want remi to think she had a mother, or just that he didn't want it to be mare? she looked at remi and nodded, aw... hun, i-i'm not..." she said and got up off the couch, walking into zane's bedroom and shutting the door behind her. she sat on his bed and rolled her eyes... something about the way that that whole situation hit her so wrong, and she turned on her side, facing away from the door.
[/font][/blockquote] ___________________________________________________[/color]
words; no clue...
muse; tighten up - the black keys
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by fun.!
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Post by zane dominic mercer on Mar 21, 2012 14:03:17 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] FUCK THE PAST; THE FUTURE IS IN YOUR HAND The Words: lazy The Outfit: click The Notes (:
"rem..." his words trailed off as marilyn left the room and he gaped at his daughter for a few more seconds. that was...that was different. usually remedy went straight to 'aunt' when it came to the girls around her - aunt kendall or auntie del and the more recently discovered aunt barbra. but she had never tried to call anyone but el 'mom' before and maybe that was because she'd never really been around zane while he'd been in a relationship (he usually got people to babysit while he was out with people for the first few dates) but she'd just never gotten around to calling anyone else 'mom' or anyone else 'dad'. his boyfriends and girlfriends usually just got called by their first names and even when marilyn had first been around after rem was first born, he hadn't ever called her 'auntie' anything. just marilyn which rem had adapted to 'mary-linn' over the years. and now...now she'd called her mommy.
how was he supposed to respond to that? he didn't know. the idea wasn't unpleasant of marilyn being around forever. he didn't mind it; in fact, he could probably even live with it. but the fact of the matter was that he knew marilyn had jonas and he knew she wasn't yet over him, no matter how she acted when she was alone with him. and he still had this...this fixation so to speak with mickey and that wasn't fair to drag her into because mickey was constant and mickey was tempting and mickey was everything he could ever ask for in another human being and no matter what, when it came on his list of people that he cared about, she was just always going to come second to remedy and mick. it wasn't that he wanted it to be that way, it was just the way that things were. he'd dropped girls and boys before for less than just mickey disliking them, and he knew that the guy had a particular disdain for marilyn - that all of them did, something he'd never been able to understand. maybe it was just because she was so privileged and they were not and she had no qualms about flaunting it. maybe it was just that they all had little "zickey" shipping minds. he didn't know.
he just knew that marilyn wasn't his 'forever' no matter how nice it sounded, and so when remedy busted out the 'mommy' name, he realized that maybe he should have pushed more toward auntie marilyn the same way he had with all the others. then again, he doubted it would have made much of a difference. with how the pair acted around her, there was no reason that she shouldn't think there was something deeper going on there. he felt a little sick. he hadn't meant for marilyn to take offense to his response. in fact it wasn't that bad - just....shocking. remedy needed a mother. a proper mother, one that saw dresses and knew that they just had to buy it for her, one that didn't only spend four hours a week with her, one that did love him and did kiss him and while maybe marilyn wasn't forever....you know maybe she could try to be or...or something.
"come on you," he said quietly, picking up remedy and scrunching up his nose at her when she giggled. "let's put you to bed."
"so i can try on my dress?"
"tomorrow," he promised, kissing her lightly on the nose. "we'll even get kitty over and he can see just how pretty his little girl looks in her dress. okay?" the promise of mickey seemed to soothe her and he was able to put her down to bed with no trouble. he kissed her forehead and said goodnight before turning off her light and making his way back to his room where marilyn had disappeared. he found her on his bed and he smiled tightly, walking over to join her and placing a comforting hand on her waist. "hey you," he said quietly. "i'm sorry about that. about...about rem, y'know. she doesn't know any better; i mean, she's just four, she'll...." he trailed off. "anyway. i'm sorry. are you okay?"
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Post by marilyn on Mar 21, 2012 22:01:14 GMT -5
marilyn loved zane, she loved him so much. he was a lot to her, though he wasn't jonas, he was someone who still showed her love. and when he touched her it was like fireworks, even if she wasn't completely with him, and she wasn't in love with him, it was still something. he spoke of how rem is only four, and that he was sorry. she didn't know really what was going through her head, but she knew that she didn't want to feel terrible about this since she was always there for little remi.
"i'm okay... but don't you realize that the look you gave me made me think the worst... i mean, i know i am not her mother, and i know that she probably is confused... but it's cause i do anything and everything for her, and i am a woman, zane." she took his hand in hers and turned to face him, putting an arm behind her head on the pillow and stared up at him. "i have bought her so much, and had so many fun times with the girl. it's no wonder." she let her thumb rub his hand as she looked up at him and she shrugged slightly. "i don't know all who you bring around her, but she seems so happy with me, and i am not saying anything bad against anyone, since she is just a happy girl.. but it's just like i kinda expected it."
marilyn broke her stare from zane and pulled her legs up so her knees were in the air. letting her hand slide from behind her head she reached up. touching his side and bringing her eyes back to his. "zane... i love her, and i love you. you know you are, like, my closest and best friend..." she said with a slight smile that faded as she kept looking up at him. then, putting a hand behind her she half sat up and pressed her lips to his, slowly closing her eyes.
it had been forever since mare had had sex, and she didn't know where this all was leading. she wasn't stopping anything, and of course she didn't know how far it all would go. marilyn breathed in zane's familiar scent, his cologne which she had all over her on his hoodie that she still had on. marilyn opened her eyes for a second to look at him and she pulled back, collapsing backward onto the pillow, still staring up at him.
[/font][/blockquote] ___________________________________________________[/color]
words; no clue...
muse; tighten up - the black keys
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by fun.!
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Post by zane dominic mercer on Mar 25, 2012 10:46:30 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] FUCK THE PAST; THE FUTURE IS IN YOUR HAND The Words: lazy The Outfit: click The Notes (:
zane wasn't going to act like he hadn't had sex or had an intimate relationship since remedy was born. though, to be honest, that'd be very, very easy for him. no, he'd had his long term relationships, a boy, a couple girls, and after they had all passed the test of time he had eventually gotten around to having sex with them. he wasn't so pathetic that he'd give up everything for a man that wasn't his and a woman that refused to be his. ella and mickey didn't ruin his dating life but they definitely put a dampener on it. because even if he didn't get that jealous twinge anymore whenever he heard of anybody hooking up with either, he still felt...guilty somehow when he was with someone else. like somehow he could believe that they really gave a rat's ass even if he knew they didn't. that generally made dating hard if he felt guilty about it all the time and that was why he normally made people wait to have sex with him. because he wanted to stop feeling guilty first.
he didn't know why he did that. he knew it drove mickey up the wall because if zane wasn't like that, if he didn't want so badly for sex to be something special between two people who loved each other, then he had no doubt in his mind that any of the things he'd done with mickey would not have stayed at just innocent drunken kisses. but that was how he was. he wanted there to be love. and even if he knew love was there, fuck it all, he still waited, hoping that there would be...a sign from god or from cupid or aphrodite or some shit and he would just look down at the person he was with and he would just...know. and normally he did. sometimes it was just the simple things - he once decided to have sex with a boyfriend just because he'd tucked remedy in at the right time so that zane could finish up a sketch. he decided to move forward with a past girlfriend because she took zero out on a late-night walk so that he didn't disturb him while he was sleeping. honestly, it was all about timing and feeling and having people do things just naturally because they cared about him.
and he didn't know what put it in his mind that maybe...maybe this was right. maybe it was that remedy had called marilyn her mother. maybe it was that mare had brought home another dress for his little girl that she loved so very much. maybe it was just that she looked so beautiful lying back so comfortably and familiar against his bedsheets. he didn't know. he never knew. but even if the guilt with marilyn hadn't completely subsided even though she'd been around for four years, with the way she kissed him and the way she was looking at him now, it was easy for him to want to believe that maybe...maybe this was right. that maybe a relationship didn't need a label and maybe she could heal him and maybe he could heal her. that maybe something between them would happen and just...maybe this was it. maybe this was right.
or maybe he just hadn't had sex in a while.
but the fact of the matter was when she pulled away, he didn't want her to. it was probably just that crazy desire for any physical affection that he could get from someone who claimed to love him, and even if she wasn't in love with him and he wasn't in love with her...maybe that could change. so he settled himself against her, pressing his hips just lightly against hers and used one hand to support himself while the other ran through her hair as he leaned down to kiss her again. even if it wasn't right...even if this wasn't the right time, he could always pull away. he always had the power. but he was going to test the waters because fuck he needed someone and he was sick of pining after something he couldn't have. if he didn't at least try, he'd be borderline pathetic. so he pressed his lips insistently against hers and tried to just let instinct guide him. if it was right, he'd know.
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Post by marilyn on Mar 25, 2012 22:07:05 GMT -5
it was hard for marilyn to get the feeling like she belonged somewhere. like, she always felt like someone was pointing her out and making her feel like she wasn't wanted. the difference was when she was with zane he never made her feel like that. he made her feel protected from that, and good from the evil grips of anyone outside of the bedroom. she felt like something was just clicking between them.
mare wanted him, she didn't know what happened in her body, maybe just random hormones that were bouncing off the walls because of the events that happened tonight. she felt his body against hers and she pushed forward. pushing her lips into his and her hips up into his. she was trying to defy gravity, and sooner or later she got tired of reaching for him, wanting him more and more. this was a different taste on her lips, and it was like a drug at the moment, and her need for pills subsided. her endorphins were replenished.
knowing you needed your heartstrings to be pulled at was amazing when you had a human being pulling at them. she had zane practically mending all her hopelessness together and maybe there was a spark of something more than what this namesless relationship was. could it be? could it actually be complete intimate feelings for him? or was it just her thinking like she was falling for him.
she took her legs and wrapped them around his waist, pulling him closer than he was before, and tighter to her than before. she wasn't letting him get away. pulling back from the kiss she looked up at him again, smiling slightly and shrugging on the bed. you're a good kisser." she giggled and wrapped both her arms around his neck, kissing him once. then, pushing his shoulder she pushed him over. getting ontop of him she leaned down and kissed him again. kissing his neck and making her way down to his chest and back up. it was like she was seventeen again and she was kissing jonas' neck, yet this was different. this was not jonas and this was zane. she was falling for him, and it just felt so right to her. against his lips she let out a sigh and smiled, then kissed him again.
[/font][/blockquote] ___________________________________________________[/color]
words; no clue...
muse; tighten up - the black keys
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by fun.!
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Post by zane dominic mercer on Apr 8, 2012 12:34:37 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] FUCK THE PAST; THE FUTURE IS IN YOUR HAND The Words: lazy The Outfit: click The Notes (:
there were a few things zane never liked to feel. he never liked to feel pressured for one because it set off that nitroglycerin-like temper of his faster than anything else in the world. he didn't like to feel helpless because it was his job to be a fixer among his friends, and feeling helpless with them made him feel insecure within himself. and he didn't like to feel trapped, and trapped was indeed what he felt when marilyn managed to turn him over and climb on top of him. before he had the confidence that to the very least he could get off of her and move away if it didn't feel right but now he'd lost that. of course, it wouldn't be hard to move the small, slight woman if she did anything he didn't approve of seeing as she couldn't weigh more than one hundred and ten pounds soaking wet. but it still was a troubling feeling when he suddenly lost that upperhand.
he tried to ignore the trapped feeling, though, tried to just return her kisses and find some pleasure, some comfort in the feeling of her lips on his neck. but it didn't feel right and his heart was pounding and he was beginning to realize that this trial he was going off on was probably a mistake. at least he realized it early enough on that it wasn't completely awkward but he was beginning to realize as she came up to kiss him again that the weight of her body just didn't feel right, the feeling of her lips was slightly off, and it just didn't feel like...it didn't feel like those dozens of drunken kisses, not as needy or as rough or insistent and he doubted she'd get as pissed when he pulled away and said enough was enough and for some reason that just didn't feel right either.
and he was trying to remember the last time he'd had a serious relationship, the last time he truly had had sex but it was all a blur of memories of mickey and mickey responding to dates and mickey talking to him about people and people telling him mickey was having sex and somehow lost in all the memories of his best friend, he found that time was skewed and he honestly didn't know when he'd last picked up a boyfriend or girlfriend. but he knew mickey could tell him and for some reason that made him feel all the worse and even if he wasn't moving it felt like the room was spinning and he tried, tried so fucking hard to find some stability in marilyn's kiss and the feeling of his hands on her hips pulling her into him but it felt wrong, so wrong and he pulled away suddenly, sitting up to lean back against his headboard.
"no," he said quietly and he felt awful and his mouth felt dry and god he needed his best friend. "no, mare, i'm sorry, i can't..." he looked up at her, at her beautiful features, at the lips he was just kissing, and he tried to imagine that he could be happy if he said nevermind and went in for another kiss and got lost in the moment. but he knew he wouldn't. because she loved jonas and he loved mickey and he would bet money that it wasn't just thoughts of him running through her mind while she was kissing him same as it wasn't thoughts of her running through his. and he couldn't be happy trying to push his love for somebody else onto this girl who herself had been so broken by someone she thought she'd be with forever. it wasn't right. "i'm sorry," he said again. "maybe you should go."
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Post by marilyn on Apr 15, 2012 0:35:23 GMT -5
mare could feel that something just was not right. something wasn't really clicking and although at first she had felt it, then all of a sudden that feeling vanished, and she was almost feeling like she was getting turned on by a ghost. she couldn't tell if it was her lack of there-ness because she was thinking of jonas, and only jonas. or if she was feeling him not being there at all. it was just confusing, and she was trying to figure it out quickly.
of course she wanted this, yet she didn't. she knew he wanted it somewhat or he wouldn't have gotten into the bed with her. the wasn't like before when they would just cuddle and make due with sleeping under the same blankets but not feeling this way for each other. somehow it got to be too much, something turned off, something turned sour and instantly she was afraid. then he said she should go. she instantly felt a tear fall.
she nodded and backed away. "okay..." she sighed and looked at the ground, grabbing her purse, though before leaving she looked at him. knowing that was going to be one of the last times she would say goodbye to him in this room, in this house. it was hard to start to have sex with someone then have it turned off, and cut short. that connection the was going to be between them was cancelled and it hurt her. "i am just going to say... that i know you don't love me. i know that i wasn't always there for you since i was running around. i'm sorry that i can't be your everything, and that i got close enough with rem to have her call me mommy. but you really hurt me right here... i gave everything i could. i did what i could and i loved you like i could and i really hope that one day fucking mickey loves you back. you deserve love, but apparently i wasn't enough." with that being said she walked out of the house, and towards her car, turning it on after she got in she sighed and let her tears fall some more. she wondered where her little life would go.
[/font][/blockquote] ___________________________________________________[/color]
words; no clue...
muse; tighten up - the black keys
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by fun.!
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