(IT'S THE BITCH OF LIVING ASKING WHAT WENT WRONG)

[jagger owen wilson]

s h o u ld i g i v e u p o r s h o u l d i

just keep chasing pavements even though it

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g79/Juliart/background_black.jpg');,true][cs=2] L E A D S T O N O W H E R E

[atrb=width,240] he knew how he acted anymore was bad. really, he did. kendall told him all the time that it was ridiculously stupid to turn his back on the world because it hadn't treated him the way he liked it, and even timid little jason told him every once in a while that he missed hearing him joke around. he told him that he was angry all the time and it made him worry, and honestly, it worried jagger too. it wasn't like him naturally to be so cold and hard and straight up mean, but he hadn't been his natural self in years. trauma changes you, and it definitely took over and consumed jagger's life when cate passed. it hardened him, made it so that he didn't care really what happened to him or to anyone else. if he were being completely honest, he didn't care how he acted or how it would affect him in the future because if he were to drop dead then and there with no friends and no one but his siblings to mourn him, he wouldn't mind. in fact, he'd find it all the better. what use was living really when he was just so pissed by it all the time? kendall told him once or twice to just go back to being who he was and to stop being a little shit. and he wished he could sometimes. but things were better like this. being angry and feeling and having this outlet for all the pent up anger he had built over the years...it sucked but it was nice at the same time. he didn't have to be accommodating or nice or sweet or anything anymore. he didn't have to be wary of messing up because people expected him to and he didn't have to think about other peoples' feelings because he was fine with them hating him. it was better to be this way in the long run, even if he realized how awful he was being. so when addison called him a pussy, he could feel his temper start to flare up again. he wasn't being a pussy! in order for that, someone had to be timid, weak, vulnerable, able to be touched and hurt. him - well he'd lost those human emotions to time. he wasn't weak for putting up a wall; if anything people were weak for wanting to break it down. "you come back here to ask me to design a tattoo for you so you can get all soppy nostalgic on me and tell me you miss me, and you're over there calling me a pussy?" he raised an eyebrow. "honestly i know you have a vagina but maybe you need to remember what being a pussy really means. anyway it's not a crime to be guarded when everyone surrounding you is a fucking moron. in my opinion the world would be better off not caring." he took a deep breath. there was no need to get himself worked up over it. though admittedly his words weren't nearly as rough as they could have been but he blamed the past for that. it was easy for him to put up walls and be a dick when he didn't know the person he was talking to. addison was different, though. she wasn't someone he casually encountered in the past or someone knew who was trying to break into his present. she was...she was his best friend. she used to know him; really know him. how could he fool someone like that with harsh words and a sharp tongue? he let out a breath as she apologized again, leaning against the corner of the counter. honestly, he wasn't supposed to have these weaknesses. he should have let her leave; it wasn't right to be like this. it wasn't healthy and it wasn't what he needed. vulnerabilities were for his siblings and cate's relatives that had sided with him on the whole thing. the ones who had testified against her mom. the ones he knew from countless family reunions who took him in their arms at the funeral and told him it would be okay. not for those who were never there for him. not for those who turned their backs once before. he could feel his temper staying at a steady high but he tried to lower it again. it wasn't right to be so angry either. "everyone gets the daggers, addison," he said with a touch of dark humor in his tone, "don't feel like you're so special." he ran his fingers through his hair and then looked over at her. "i'm sorry, though. like i said, you caught me off guard and...look, i'm not the same person i was six years ago. i appreciate you coming back, and i missed you too. really." he let out another deep breath. "but i don't think you know what you're signing up for in wanting me back in your life."

[atrb=width,100] words , 8 3 3 words tagged , sami as addison ! notes , sorry it took so long. b a b i e s.

TEMPLATE BY THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE MIKEY @ CAUTION 2.0

[INDIA MAEVE WILCOX]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] IF IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY, IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU SHOULD SET THEM FREE. OH IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY YOU WENT AND THREW IT AWAY. The Words: 925 The Outfit: here! The Notes this was awful! but they're cute ! addison had heard of jagger since they had been out of touch. she had been told of his nasty temper and the fact that he didn't like to associate with anyone who had graduated and knew of him when he was in high school. addison's college friends even told her about jagger's temper at the tattoo parlor, however, little addison never really believed it. to her, it was impossible for jagger to behave like that. he was the sweetest kid in the world and she knew that he had lost cate, but she didn't think it could turn him all that different. her friends laughed at her when she defended him, saying that she didn't know the true mr. wilson. addison lived in the denial, but she feared facing the truth as well. she never dared to venture down to the tattoo parlor nor did she want her friends to be right about jagger. she had always seen him as the amazing best friend that took care of her and knew how to mess around with addison, that is, until she pushed him far away from her. she refused to believe that jagger was anything other than the sweet boy she knew her entire life. now, addison wasn't one for having a bad temper at all, but she was getting frustrated and when she got frustrated, especially with jagger, every bad feelings she bottled up in the past would slowly begin to seep out, especially all the emotions she harbored for jagger in the past. "i don't know why you can't let people care about you jagger," she spoke through gritted teeth. she sighed, knowing she didn't want to get angry with him. that wasn't her intent, but she couldn't help it when she had been holding this silent grudge against jagger for so long because he had never seen her as anything more than simply a friend. all addison had wanted was for jagger to love her back, to pick her, and to want her. he wanted cate. whenever they flirted and addison was with them, she'd reply with a sarcastic comment that she'd laugh about quickly afterwards, but she knew she meant it. she hated seeing them together, though it was wrong of her. now addison was extremely stubborn, so it was a surprise to even herself when she started apologizing for snapping at him. she wanted to just say 'hey, i'm sorry i'm being a bitch but i was in love with you and pushed you away because you picked my best friend over me.' but how could you honestly say that in a nice way without bringing up the past? she knew that she shouldn't dare say anything about cate. it must've killed him because it certainly killed addi to find out that her best friend had died, even though she concealed the sadness. everyone gets the dagger, addison. his words made her smirk and scoff slightly, shaking her head. she knew she was no different. this slight dark humor was what she was used to, what she missed. as weird as it was, she enjoyed the sarcasm shared between the two even when they were younger. "you're telling me," she answered softly. her response was more of a hint as to the fact that she hadn't really been special enough to be jagger's first choice, though she knew he wouldn't pick up on it. it was more for herself. "but i don't think you know what you're signing up for in wanting me back in your life." she furrowed her brow slightly, looking at him. everything her friends had said were true about jagger. he had changed immensely, yet addison, being her stubborn self, wanted to change him back to his old self, even though she knew that was near impossible and it would probably take a lot more than her sarcasm and jokes to get him back to his old self. "oh, come on jagger. it can't be that bad," she teased, smiling at him. a genuine smile, for once today. she was glad he was slowly becoming his old self around her. "everyone changes, but i really do want you back. i shouldn't have shut you out in high school. i guess i was just..." she added sympathetically. however, she didn't know how finish her previous sentence. she didn't want to tell him that she was jealous or furious or heartbroken or that he still was all these years later. "well, you know. i was just addison being stupid, i suppose," she mumbled. it wasn't very convincing, but by saying it, it made addi feel slightly better. she didn't want him to find out about how angry or jealous or bitter or heartbroken she had been because now cate had passed away and he didn't deserve that. "give me a chance, i swear i'll grow on you....again," she teased him, grinning at him. god, she had really missed him. created by ADE! Pb-ified by WILL

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