Post by leyton on Dec 22, 2011 14:51:38 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #EEEEEE, border: #59b1ba 5px solid; width: 400px; height: 500px;] hey there. the name's leyton sage scamander! i go by leaf if you were wondering. also i'll have you know that i am twenty two & loving it. oh. you've heard that I'm gay? & that I'm from portugal? well the rumors are true for once. well I gotta get going, starbucks is calling. see ya'! bee tee dubs, i'm a citizen. history, so um, i'm leyton, but everyone calls me leaf. honestly, i've been teased all my life for that name, so i don't actually care if you want to insult it. at the end of the day, a name is a name, and i'll choose the one that i like, not what everyone else likes. no, there isn't some awesome story behind how i got the name, i just chose it and refused to respond to anything else for the first twelve years of my life, and it's stuck. i was born in portugal twenty two years ago. my mother is portuguese, but my father's from the usa. i can only speak a very small amount of portuguese. i didn't really need to speak it, because i went to an international school, so everyone spoke a different language. the most universally spoken language was english, followed by french. english being my mother language, i interacted with people in that way, but a few people i took a liking to weren't as good at it, so i steadily learnt french too. while i was at that school was the time i decided my name would be leaf. it was really a cry for attention. everybody else there had such cool names, since they were foreign, but i was stuck with leyton, which i considered very bland. i didn't get all that much teasing at school, but as soon as i went home and announced my new name, i was laughed at. a lot. it didn't phase me though - they laughed at almost everything i did. it took me many years to realize that i was the outcast of the family. my parents and brother all loved music, but i loved art, they were all very loud, i was very quiet, they all got along, i didn't. we had absolutely nothing in common. to add to my feeling of isolation, my brother was always favoured over me. my parents let me know of that more frequently than i care to admit. after sixteen long years of feeling alone and one move away from all of my friends and to the states, i realized that i didn't want to be with them anymore. i stopped talking to them completely. it seemed that they had ruined me. i was a confident young boy with aspirations, but they dragged me down and tore away any confidence that i had left. my brother was the only one i didn't block out completely. he seemed to still have some humanity left in him (that's perhaps being a little too harsh on my parents, but i don't care), and would sometimes talk to me whenever i was upset or confused. he was only a little put-off when i attempted to confide in him when it became apparent that i was gay. he was a bit of a homophobic prick back then. i was planning on moving out on my eighteenth birthday. i was pretty sick of everything. the only thing keeping me where i was was marcus. marcus was a guy i met in high school. he was my complete best friend, and about the only one i'd managed to make since the move from portugal. of course, my perfect brother was mr popular and got all of the girls. marcus and i used to find out about all of the parties through my brother, and we'd crash them. we did drugs together, we spray painted our names onto walls. really, i was turning into a bit of a thug. we once had our own little friendship group, but we abandoned them. we were sort of the type to get really involved in conversation and walk around laughing to ourselves and bitching about other people. whenever anybody else was around we'd shut up and just look at each other, as though sending silent messages to each other. it was weird how close we were. one day marcus and i set off to join another party completely uninvited at a girl called ronnie's house. ronnie was sort of weird, so i didn't think she'd notice us even being there. i think she was only popular because she was considered 'hot'. she was a crazy bitch, in my eyes. as pr usual, marcus and i got drunk together and headed off to ronnie's bedroom to fuck with her stuff and write messages on her mirror in lipstick, or whatever we could find. she had this huge walk-in wardrobe that marcus and i went in and started putting her clothes on and just fooling around. i expect you can guess what happened. marcus is gay, so am i, we were taking our clothes off... well, he was my first kiss, and he also took my virginity. yes, i was seventeen and hadn't kissed anybody yet. like i said, i was never popular. marcus and i started dating as of then. on my eighteenth birthday, we were still together, and i loved him more than everything. i would have moved in with him, but his parents were even worse than mine, or so he told me. i could pretty much guess from the cuts and bruises he constantly had. i'd never met them, and i'd never been to his house in all the years i'd known him. so i had to stay at my house. he practically lived with me anyway. eighteen and a half, marcus broke up with me. he said i wasn't good enough for him, and that the whole thing had been a joke all of that time anyway. i know for a fact that that was a lie, just from the scared look in his eyes. there were tears involved, but i let him go. with a sick realization that i'd given up everything for marcus and now he had left me, i had to leave my family, even if i didn't really want to anymore. so that is exactly what i did. i found the cheapest house i possibly could, in a completely random destination. i decided that i didn't need to go to college, since my career paths all had something to do with art, and what more is there to learn about art? i got myself a job at starbucks because it was the only job i could get at the time, and began to slowly build myself a new life, trying my best to push away the swarming thoughts about marcus, and wondering where he could be today. personality, i can't describe myself. i find it too hard. i don't know if everybody feels this way, but my mind constantly feels like this fuzzy, hazy, grey area. really, i try my very hardest to figure myself out, but i'm too changeable. i could write about myself saying i'm kind and selfless, but then the next day completely surprise myself by snapping at somebody and thinking only of myself. my main goal in life is to find out who i am, and what i'm supposed to do. for now, i can only tell you what i know. i have been outcasted by everybody for my entire life. i've never depended on anybody, because nobody has ever really been there for me. i do everything for myself, and neither ask nor expect anything from anybody else. i try to be nice to everybody. i am usually nice from the first meeting, at the very least. it's unusual for me to show hostility towards anybody unless they do something to me first. all the same, i can take a lot of beating and no insults really phase me. i take it all in my stride and assume most insults to be banter. the only thing that i absolutely will not stand for, is people insulting ones that i love. although any strong feelings are rare for me, i will always defend those closest to me, no matter who the offender is. i'm easily influenced and i give into temptations. ask me to come trash a house and snort some lines with you, and the likelihood is that i will, even though i've had a lot of bad experiences with that in the past. i like to 'live life on the edge', and make everything fun, but only with people i feel comfortable around. i figure that a life without risks isn't really a life at all. there was a time when i'd constantly live in fear, and that is the time that i regret most. i have been known to play games with people and mess them around, but i'm quick to apologize if needed. though i'm usually quiet, relaxed and subdued, i can get very involved in arguments, and i'm one to pull a lot of low-blows and step too far across the line. i surprise myself in the things that i do a lot, so i'm sure to surprise you as well. appearance, most people think 'oh, he's gay, he must be flamboyant and obsessed with fashion!' but, no. that's just annoying. i am not flamboyant, and i am not obsessed with fashion. i like to look good, and i'm aware that i do look pretty fabulous, but i really don't spend a lot of time or money on my appearance compared to some. i buy a lot of my clothes from charity shops. i turn those clothes into something nice. i'm pretty good with a sewing machine, so i just fix them up. i mainly do that because i enjoy sewing, rather than because i want to look fabulous. also, starbucks, surprisingly, doesn't pay that much. i'd like to think that people consider my appearance original. i don't care if they have negative opinions of me, which is very helpful in allowing me to wear things that most people wouldn't usually. besides, if people were going to pick on me for my appearance, i'm sure that the first thing they'd notice would be the gap in my teeth. the roleplayer, I'm Hazel. I'm sixteen years old, I'm from England and I've been roleplaying for approximately five years. I talk too much, most people hate me and I'm constantly judged for my taste in music which is absolutely fabulous~ |
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