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Post by icarus mcgregor koufidakis on Dec 13, 2011 19:30:16 GMT -5
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i could be all that you needed if you let me try
after yesterday night, icarus hadn't been able to focus at all. during work, he even gave his students busy work just so he didn't have to do anything. and he hated busy work. he ignored texts, calls, and cancelled any plans that he had made with morgan for the night. he just didn't feel like doing anything but think. maybe he was being a baby, but then again, maybe not. after he'd gone home yesterday, all he wanted to do was shout, and shout really loud. he couldn't, unless he wanted to get evicted from his condo, but the point? he wanted to yell at the top of his louds because he'd messed up with her, once again. the boy was beginning to think that he could do nothing right, and maybe he couldn't. he'd been given another chance to see her and talk to her and at least try to make things right, and what had he done? he screwed shit up all over again. "and, for the record, i really did want it to work." no one who did the breaking up did that! especially not when one dumps their significant with a stupid excuse like he had. "i love you but i can't be with you?" what the hell?! icarus couldn't believe the way he was acting. he wasn't this much of an idiot.
now he found himself at a bar, of all places. icarus made a pact when he started his career as a teacher that he wouldn't go drinking when he had work the next day, but he was now sitting at one, drinking alcohol. why was he getting so upset over a girl? easy answer- because it was the girl. boys aren't supposed to get butterflies, right? icarus did. he did whenever he even thought of seeing adaline, and last night, it was like a freaking monarch migration in his belly. "another beer please?" he called out, when the bartender passed his way again. with a nod, she took off to fetch him another one. tonight wasn't that crowded, thankfully. the last thing he wanted, on top of knowing his ex-girlfriend still lived in connecticut, was noise. take today at work for example- you talk, you get sent to a different class. icarus was serious. today was not his day. "thanks," he muttered when the bartender returned with his drink. pull yourself together, man. he couldn't they. the way they had parted left a sour taste in his mouth, and chances of ever even seeing adaline again were slim. new haven was a big city, and so was hartford. if she still lived in new haven, then he could kiss any chance of mending their relationship goodbye. |
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Post by adaline kaiya taylor on Dec 13, 2011 19:54:54 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 766 ( TAGGED ) HANNAH/ICARUS ( STATUS ) COMPLETE one thing adaline hated about her roommate was that he was oftentimes very, very self-centered. for example - the previous night. though she was obviously angry and still shaken up from her encounter with icarus, noah didn't even seem to care. he just kept on with his heavy petting in the backseat, giving noncommittal grunts every time she asked him a question or paused to let him give an opinion. and then when they got home, he asked her to leave! like necking with that poor blonde kid was so much more important than being a good friend. but she had begrudgingly agreed to go. it was either that or have to sit through actually watching them do the dirty, which she knew noah was not opposed to. but as she was extremely opposed to it, she had instead just grabbed her overnight bag (was it sad that she always had a pre-packed overnight bag?) and drove and drove and drove until she'd finally calmed down enough to get herself a hotel room. and that's where she spent her night - in some cheap hotel in hartford where she lied on her bed deep in thought while her roommate was off being...well noah.
it wasn't fair that her past had come back to haunt her that night - the night when her one real friend was otherwise occupied, the night she wasn't allowed to drink. icarus couldn't have picked a worse night to make a reappearance in her life and then just to make things worse, she had to spend it alone, with no one there to tell her to stop thinking for just five seconds and move on with it. she thought for a moment of just returning home and kicking out that kaden guy, telling noah to take a cold shower, and then convincing him to cuddle with her while they watched a movie. but she thought better of that - that was immature. she could make it through her own problems, right? she could suffer through this alone, as she had been doing for years. she didn't need noah or friends or...comfort. however, despite this, her night was rather sleepless and her dreams haunting and she just kept hearing her voice over and over and over again saying, "well you made that really bloody apparent, didn't you?"
it was later the next day day when she found that she was too angry to return home that she decided she'd go get a drink that night. a real drink, too, none of the fanciful bullshit she sometimes bartered on getting so that she could drive home. no something substantial, that would take a little while to get out of her system so she could stay to sober up. let noah worry about her; she didn't care. why should she? he had been careless with her and what's fair is fair, after all. so when it finally got acceptably late, she grabbed some clothes from her bag, changed, and headed out to a bar. a real bar. not a club or another of noah's regular places. just....a bar. a bar where she could buy beer or a bloody mary. she'd even go for some stout, even if she'd never acquired a taste for it. just something....something substantial. and then she left.
she chose a pub she'd heard of a few times before - sully's or something like that. she'd never been before and honestly a change of scenery would be a little nice. too much of the past hanging around lately. she needed to start looking forward. new bars were good for that, right? however as soon as she walked in and started to approach the bar, she realized that she wasn't going to get the break she needed. her heart nearly jumped straight into her throat. icarus. honestly, couldn't she get one day to think? one day to sit and get drunk and forget? no, of course not. because she was being haunted. and ghosts don't just go away. thanks universe. but she figured it couldn't be a coincidence. she had spent too much time talking to people of different cultures to not believe in fate and if this was some higher power trying to tell her something...well, who was she to deny it? so she walked up and took the stool right next to his and told the bartender, "just a beer for now, love." then she turned her head to look at icarus and said, "i see tonight you've chosen something of the hetero variety. smart move."
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Post by icarus mcgregor koufidakis on Dec 14, 2011 0:21:14 GMT -5
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i could be all that you needed if you let me try LOOKIN' LIKE HE IS IN THE BANNER (HOTBEARDTOO) , 685 WORDS
LOL I POSTED BUT YOU'RE NOT ON SO YOU SUCK. <3 the bar really was empty tonight. recordings of a football game, probably from the night before, was playing on tv and a fool in a drunken haze was enjoying 'open-mic night' way too much. icarus was kind of enjoying it, and even though he'd be much better without the dying seal-man in the background, after about ten minutes, he got used to it. he was on his third beer now, and he was beginning to regret driving himself there. he was beginning to regret even coming at all. how was he supposed to teach twenty five different students for seven hours? he wouldn't be able to make it work tomorrow, and he was more than certain of that. so why not drink a little more? he took another big gulp of his beer, and stared intently at the large screen behind the bar. he wasn't paying attention, though. he hated football. the game just didn't make sense to him. all it was to him was a bunch of noise- screaming and yelling and wooping and hollering. he was more of a baseball person, anyway. instead of trying to figure out what was going on, he thought. some of his contemplations were about how he was going to get out of work tomorrow, some were about how he was supposed to get home without leaving his car at sully's overnight. mostly, his thoughts involved adaline however. specifically last night's events, and how much he didn't like how things played out. if she hated him before last night, she must have hated him even more now.
"just a beer for now, love." a girl next to him had seated herself near him on a stool, and all icarus could think was, that voice sounds really familiar. that's because it was. after the bartender left to get her what she had ordered, the girl said something else. "i see tonight you've chosen something of the hetero variety. smart move." there was no way this was actually happeneing, right? there were two answers to that- he was being punk'd or he was having a really bad, inconvientent dream. either one made more sense than seeing her two nights in a row, when he wasn't even lucky enough to see her once for the past year.
he didn't know what he was supposed to say. her greeting wasn't actually a greeting, and more of a conversation starter. it would have been a hell of a lot easier if she had just ignored him. he stayed quiet for a moment or two, took another big drink of his beer, and still remained silent. he was thinking. he wasn't being rude, he wasn't ignoring her, he just... he didn't know how he was supposed to greet her. i've been pining over you every second of this day or i can't talk to you because it hurts too much? either one he'd sound like a girl.
"yeah, i guess i did." think, icarus, think. you could have come up with something better than that. he tried not to look at her, or even take a glance with the corner of his eye. he didn't want to, because that's when extreme-pining would start, and icarus didn't think that he could take that anymore. he looked at the tv screen playing the football game, the dying-seal dude in the background now transitioning into a cover of outfield's i need your love, and at the bartender. he just did not want to look at her. "sorry about last night. it was really... really my fault that happened. i should have just kept walking, right?" his question wasn't actually a question. he knew the answer, and it was right, he should have kept walking. she would have been walking with a wet back all night without the satisfaction of an apology, but at least she wouldn't of seen him, and neither of them would be in their situation. "what brings you to sully's?" he started, drank the last of his beer, and finally dared to let his chocolate eyes look at her shining grey ones. bad idea. |
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Post by adaline kaiya taylor on Dec 14, 2011 15:52:39 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 756 ( TAGGED ) HANNAH/ICARUS ( STATUS ) COMPLETE sully's definitely had a much different atmosphere than what she was used to, that much was certain. it was noticeably quieter and a lot emptier than the places noah took her to - like gay people got more enjoyment from gathering in one place while straight people preferred to drink alone in their houses. the idea made her want to laugh but she bit it back; it wasn't appropriate. but the idea of the paper she could write about it, even with just a facetious tone was enough to get her mind off what she had just done for a split second. but of course, she came back down to earth soon enough and found herself staring at icarus. just staring. she hadn't really done a lot of that the last time she'd seen him and even if he wasn't looking back at her, it was still a nice sight to see. she could trace the changes in his profile with her eyes, the subtle features that were brought out with his shorter hair, the things that had just improved with age. it was only when she started feeling a little creepy when he wouldn't look her way that she finally looked down at the bar and greeted the bartender with a smile as she brought her a beer.
"thanks," she said quietly and then she turned her attention once more to icarus, who was talking but still not staring at her. it was a bit unnerving, like he didn't want to really acknowledge that she was there, and for a moment she wondered if she had made a mistake in taking a seat next to him. what if he was still angry with her for the way she left the night before? what if he didn't want anything to do with her? what if he was annoyed that she had showed up? after all, it was a pretty big coincidence that she had encountered him two nights in a row. she hoped he didn't think that she was stalking him; god, no, that simply wouldn't do. that'd be horrible, in fact, and her excessive staring probably didn't help either. but she couldn't help it - she had been used to seeing that face every day for over a year and she had been deprived of it for two following. wasn't it only natural to want to study the changes now? wasn't it normal to want to just....look at him?
no, probably not. it was probably just creepy. but to be honest, he wasn't staring at her anyway so how could he know? besides, it was just polite. she approached him. she spoke to him. she might as well be looking at him while he talked. it was...polite. wasn't it?
"i'm actually really glad that you didn't." her mouth said the words before they fully registered in her brain, and if she were a less shameless person, she probably would have flushed. but the truth would come out eventually and the truth was? she wasn't mad that icarus stopped to say sorry. she was relieved. it was proof that...that he was still the same guy. or somewhat. he was still the nice guy who would stop to apologize to a stranger for dumping water on them while most others would have just continued on their merry way. and he also gave her the chance to just...see him again. and though it made her angry and nostalgic and annoyed and frustrated, it felt that was all she was anymore. but seeing icarus was different because other than all those other feelings he made her laugh and even smile and he had apologized for everything. it wasn't closure but it was better than what they had and that brought a sense of peace into her life. he had that affect, though. she was a calm person but somehow he managed to make her more so. "i guess," she said in response to his questioning why she was there, "i just needed a place to drink and think about shit for a while...a new place. y'know. not one filled with gyrating flamers and their life partners." she brought the bottle of beer to her lips and took a long sip, the bitter taste exploding on her tongue and sending a helpful lift up her throat to the back of her skull. she may not like beer much, but sometimes it was worth it just for the feeling after the first drink. "what about you?"
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Post by icarus mcgregor koufidakis on Dec 14, 2011 17:05:48 GMT -5
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i could be all that you needed if you let me try LOOKIN' LIKE HE IS IN THE BANNER (HOTBEARDTOO) , 560 WORDS
LOL I ACTUALLY LIKED THIS POST. once icarus looked at adaline, it was like he couldn't look away. she was a bright light in a room of darkness, and he was a moth looking for that light. bad analogy? probably. the point was, though, that just staring at her made icarus remember why he had become so infatuated with her in the first place. she was gorgeous. obviously that wasn't the only attitribute that had made him fall so in love with her, but it was what had drawn him to her, hence the bug analogy. even now, she looked like she hadn't aged a day. maybe changed her hair and the way she put on her makeup, but she still looked young- like as young as she was when he first met her back in australia. look at him, though- he'd cut his hair way shorter than it was when he was with her, grown a beard and now shave like some douchebag would. one of the only things that had stayed the same with him was probably the fact that he still had his infamous sideburns. he'd changed and it seemed like she stayed the same. then again, maybe icarus was just seeing what he wanted to see, and that was the adaline that he fell in love with.
it wasn't until that he realized she was speaking until he was thrown out of his thoughts. the bartender passed them again, and icarus stopped to ask for another drink. "just a water, thanks." he might as well try to stay as possible now that she was there. the last thing he wanted was for something wrong to come out. an i still love you and want you back just wouldn't be appropriate right now. hell, there would probably never be a time where that was appropriate. not after he had betrayed her trust like that. "i'm actually really glad that you didn't." that sure was a shocker. after the way she had left last night, he was sure that she'd agree with him. even though he was still happy that he didn't keep walking, there was a part of him that had still wished he would have. things would have been a hell of a lot easier if he had. there would be no feeling sorry for himself in a bar by drinking until he was incoherent. "yeah, well... it would have been better for the both of us if i had."
"i guess i just needed a place to drink and think about shit for a while...a new place. y'know. not one filled with gyrating flamers and their life partners." he couldn't help but smile at that one. gyrating flamers. that was one he hadn't heard before. he knew how she felt, though. every weekend, he'd be taken out by morgan if his friend hadn't of found some other poor soul to drag along. the bartender returned with a bottle of water, and icarus acknowledged him with a nod, before returning his glance to adaline. "what about you?" there was an easy answer to that. actually, there were a couple of answers to that question. "one hundred fifty sophomores can be really frustrating sometimes, upon other things. i've been here since work. so has the dying seal on stage," he ended with a small smile. maybe they could have a normal conversation. |
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Post by adaline kaiya taylor on Dec 14, 2011 17:28:35 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 679 ( TAGGED ) HANNAH/ICARUS ( STATUS ) COMPLETE better for the both of them? adaline frowned. no, she wouldn't have said so. yeah sure, maybe she lost her temper a little bit, which she rarely ever did. but that was two years of frustration, of the kicking and screaming she'd wanted to do back when he dumped her built up inside of her. and the fact that it came out not as a punch to the face as he had offered but a few snappy comments should have been the first clue that it wasn't as bad as it probably could have been with their history. if she were being completely open and honest with herself, though, she didn't honestly know if it would be better or not. would it have been better to keep living her life as if icarus never happened to her? to keep dancing through on her way to saving up enough to move back? was that really honest of her to do, to ignore that he ever existed? after all, she did miss him. not all the time. mainly late at night, when she was awake in bed like she was the previous night. though years had passed, she sometimes even still felt for a body next to hers when she woke up from a nightmare.
that kind of stuff didn't just go away. and they could sit there and play pretend for the rest of their lives like it would but honestly? it was crazy that they lived just half an hour apart and they hadn't once run into each other in two years. like they really had been trying so hard to believe the other had disappeared that they just hadn't been paying attention at all. like they thought they could just will one another away. she took another long swig of beer to hide her expression but to be honest, she wasn't sure that it was bad that she had run into him. maybe it was fate - maybe this was supposed to happen. maybe it was the best thing to happen to her in a while. to be honest, she hadn't had enough time to think about it to truly figure it out. she'd tried; but she was tired and frustrated and angry at the time and haunted by her own words and she was too focused on her probably having scared him off forever that she really didn't think of if it was a good thing or not. but instead of saying all that and then some, she just smiled and nudged him with her elbow and said teasingly, "who are you to tell me what's better for me, koufidakis?"
she turned her attention to the stage at the mention of the 'dying seal' and tried to stifle a laugh. okay, the guy up there really was terrible. but she couldn't judge him - she did a fair share of open mic stuff herself and she could honestly say that it was probably due only to being a pretty lady that people didn't throw tomatoes at her to make her leave. it took guts to go up there. but it didn't make it any less funny that he was up there, especially when icarus's description was so accurate. "sounds like your day's been about as fun filled as mine, mate," she said, turning back around to look at him. he was smiling. just barely but it was enough to fill her with those same giddy feelings she had gotten back at the bar the previous night when he had laughed. like he was the most wonderful thing she had ever laid her eyes on. she bit down on her lip and tore her eyes away from her ex's, circling the top of her bottle with her index finger. "but it brought us in the same vicinity once again. if god exists, i blame this on him." then she downed a good fourth of what was in the bottle, looking for something to put her in a better mood. good conversation didn't come from weird moods after all.
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Post by icarus mcgregor koufidakis on Dec 14, 2011 18:48:27 GMT -5
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i could be all that you needed if you let me try LOOKIN' LIKE HE IS IN THE BANNER (HOTBEARDTOO) , 580 WORDS
LOL I ACTUALLY LIKED THIS POST. "who are you to tell me what's better for me, koufidakis?" that was another good question, and there was an easy answer to this one, too. he wasn't anyone to tell her what was good and what was bad for her. he didn't even have share his opinion anymore. that right went away two years ago, the minute he said the words i can't be with you. he just had a hunch that she'd be better off if they hadn't of seen each other at all last night. he knew he would have been better. sure, there were those moments where he wish he could go back in time, change his mind, and never break it off with her and sometimes he wished that he had enough balls to track her down and tell her how he really felt about dumping her. the latter was the only realistic one at this point, though. except he wasn't tracking her at all. he was tracking his friend, when an orgy of lesbians caused him to spill water all over adaline- dream for them, not for him. could she honestly tell him that she was happy or at least okay that they had seen each other last night? he hoped she could figure out an answer for herself, because icarus was at a loss for his.
"sounds like your day's been about as fun filled as mine, mate," more like his day had been full of headaches and shouting at students to 'shut their mouths before he wrote them up for being disrespectful.' now he realized why he was avoiding looking at her when she had first approached him, why he regretted bumping into her last night, and why he would rather not even think about the name adaline. he was blaming her for making him feel this way, when he should have been blaming himself. if morgan- his best friend who happened to double as his concierge therapist- was there, he'd ask him why he was acting like a little girl. icarus would respond with something banal like i'm not or shut up, you are. he knew the real answer was that he was acting like a little girl because the woman he still had deep, deep, very deep feelings for had just entered his life again. however morgan- never even have been in a relationship that hadn't been but two weeks long before he found some other 'hot piece of homosexual ass,' as he put it, to prey upon- wouldn't understand how icarus was feeling and would give him some really awesome advice- get over it. though now that he thought about, maybe thats what he should start to do. although at this rate, he wouldn't actually be over it for a long, long time.
he decided to just ignore the next thing that came out of her mouth. "but it brought us in the same vicinity once again. if god exists, i blame this on him." he had been thinking way too much about that throughout the day, and even just one more contemplation along the longs of fate would probably drive him insane. instead, he took a different approach to normal conversation. "how has your day been? or is that too personal to ask your ex-girlfriend?" but really, was it? was he crossing some barrier that stated he wasn't allowed to act like he cared anymore. obviously he did, or else he would have been long gone. |
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Post by adaline kaiya taylor on Dec 15, 2011 15:13:17 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 721 ( TAGGED ) HANNAH/ICARUS ( STATUS ) COMPLETE the conversation felt cryptic - forbidden almost. like they were doing something that they shouldn't be. or that was the feeling she got in her gut, and in all of her years of doing things on impulse, it was a feeling that she was not a stranger to. but it was wrong, somehow. she wasn't supposed to feel like talking to icarus was something bad. she had always been a firm believer in remaining friends with the people you once bore your soul to, and though she didn't have much experience with serious boyfriends, why was it suddenly different to be talking to him instead of an old friend? because they had sex? because they thought they were in love once upon a time? she'd never once dreamed that she'd be that person. the girl who let feelings and the past get in the way of something beautiful like a friendship. because she was friends with icarus once upon a time. he wasn't just her boyfriend; he was more than that. she opened herself up to him completely, told him everything the way she had never opened up to anyone else. he was the closest friend she ever had and it sucked to lose that with the relationship. and now she couldn't even talk to him without that twisting feeling in her gut. somehow, that just didn't seem right.
noah would tell her differently. she could feel it instinctively in her gut. what was it he was always telling her? if it doesn't make you feel good then walk away? sure, most of the time he was talking about getting hit on or sometimes even having sex with inexperienced partners but it had the same general meaning behind it out of context as it did in it. if it makes you uncomfortable, why go through with it? if noah were there, he'd tell her to forget about icarus and dance with him. or to seize the stage and give the bar a female voice to listen to for a while. anything but to pay attention to icarus because he was her ex, damn it, and addie darling, you shouldn't bother with ex-boyfriends. especially ones that left her the way that he had. but that didn't seem to be the right philosophy to take on either. it was rude; more rude than anything else, to approach him and then walk away. she had made her decision and she was going to stick with it.
but did he have to call her his ex-girlfriend? the word put a sour look on her face and she didn't care that she couldn't hide it behind a drink or strategically placed hand. of course, it was what she was - but same as she was a foreigner, it wasn't exactly her favorite thing to be called. but she let the look disappear soon enough. he was just being polite - besides, who knew how much he had had to drink before she came in? he said he'd been there since after his job let out and she wasn't sure when teachers were really allowed to leave the schools they worked at. she'd have to ask noah sometime, though his case was a little different as he not only taught an extracurricular but at a school that functioned differently from public education. so she shook it off; no need to get offended over one word. especially when it was true. "if that's too private to ask an ex, then there's probably a reason to call them an ex," she snorted, emptying her bottle. honestly, she had been through enough personal shit with icarus to make her comfortable with him asking anything and he goes and acts like asking her how she was even grazed the top of the personal level. "it's been....hell. luckily, plays don't like to run in the middle of the week, though, so i didn't have to work." she paused. "it's looking up, though, so i can't complain. gotta look on the bright side of life. i'd ask about your day but....uh, you sorta told me." she settled the beer bottle onto the bar and took her hands off it; she'd wait before drinking another. "unless there's something you want to get off your chest. in which case, let's pretend i asked."
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