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Post by icarus mcgregor koufidakis on Dec 15, 2011 19:33:23 GMT -5
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i could be all that you needed if you let me try LOOKIN' LIKE HE IS IN THE BANNER (HOTBEARDTOO) , 678 WORDS
LOL I ACTUALLY LIKED THIS POST. "it's been....hell. luckily, plays don't like to run in the middle of the week, though, so i didn't have to work. it's looking up, though, so i can't complain. gotta look on the bright side of life." now that she'd said it again, without all the noise and lights and orgies of lesbians and gays, it really processed through his brain that she was a play critic. she had went to school to be an archaeologist, and she'd ended up watching plays and writing reviews about how awful or amazing they were. he couldn't help but to blame himself for that. that was his fault. he had dragged her to america. she left all of her opportunites, all of her progress, everything that she could have been in australia, just to be with a boy. it must have been true what people said about love and how it can make people act differently and do strange things. it certainly did for adaline. there she was, a strong, independent woman who in the real world would probably never let a guy get in between her and her job, no matter how charming, how handsome, or how smart he was. but now, here she was- still in america, with no icarus, who had actually encouraged her to leave everything she had behind, and was now working as a play critic. "that's crazy. you a play critic, and i'm a biology teacher," he looked away from the bottle of water that he had been studying and caught her eyes with his. "insane, right?"
"i'd ask about your day but....uh, you sorta told me. unless there's something you want to get off your chest. in which case, let's pretend i asked." his stomach dropped, but... why? icarus didn't know. maybe it was because there were hundreds of things that he wanted to get off his chest, starting with that he was sorry. he was sorry, he regretted ever dumping her, he wished that he had of listened to his heart over what his mind was telling him- as cheesy as that sounded. really, though. if he had been going by what his feelings were telling him- like how much he loved her and couldn't imagine a day without her- rather than his own selfish preferences, then chances are, they would still be together. they'd be doing something better with themselves and something that they actually were worth- not critiquing plays and teaching a bunch of hopeless teenagers, who'd rather not learn, a challenging subject like biology. the other two thoughts were accurate, too. he was sorry and he did regret breaking it off. if time travel existed, he would have gone back and changed how things turned out a long time ago. it sure would have gotten rid of a lot of pain and suffering.
he might as well start with something simple. something not as small as i'm sorry, because they both knew he was, and not something as extreme as an i still love you, i want you back. with something like that, he'd probably get the smack that he'd wanted last night. keeping his eyes locked on her's, he opened his mouth. "i'm really glad you stayed in connecticut, adaline. i don't know what i'm trying to say by that, but... i'm really... really glad you didn't go anywhere." he stopped, and looked back at the water bottle. don't be a coward, dude. look at her. so he did. turning his glance from the water bottle back to her, he locked gazes with her. "and i'm really sorry, and i know you don't buy that, and i know you won't believe me when i say i can't tell you what i was feeling when i broke up with you, because the truth is, it wouldn't make sense to you because it doesn't even make sense to me," he paused again. "and i'm a real idiot, adaline. and i really am... really sorry... and i meant what i said last night. you can punch me if you want." |
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Post by adaline kaiya taylor on Dec 15, 2011 20:38:33 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) too lazy to check ( TAGGED ) HANNAH/ICARUS ( STATUS ) COMPLETE was it possible to want to cry and die and laugh all at once? did it matter if it was possible? because that's what adaline felt like doing the more icarus kept talking. she wanted to cry because she hadn't thought about their relationship in years and suddenly it was all she was hearing about. she wanted to die because he was apologizing and he was there and he wasn't a different man or hurt or gone forever but he was there and apologizing and saying he didn't know what he was thinking when he dumped her. and she wanted to laugh because he was saying those things and though they should have made her angry...she was relieved. relieved to hear him talking and saying words that didn't add up to, "i dumped you because i hate you." relieved to hear the apology again and know that she didn't imagine it. relieved that he seemed genuine and real and that he was there with her and that he was talking to her, actually talking. and she wanted to do it all at the same time and then curl up into a ball and scream because it wasn't fair that he was telling her all of this now.
because she honestly didn't know how to respond to that logically and normally. how in the world was she supposed to reply to that? what was she supposed to say? cool, that's great, but you dumped me so i don't see how that matters? no, that was just rude and it wasn't exactly what she was thinking either. was she supposed to tell him the truth? that she regretted ever coming and was counting down the days until she could leave? that she tried to avoid thinking about him to even make it through the day?that she would punch him right in his pretty little face if she wasn't so against violence? somehow none of that seemed right, especially when he had just been so honest with her. she had no right to be angry due to honesty. if anything she should be grateful that he was even being honest with her at all; a lot of people didn't have that. a lot of people never got apologies. but if this was supposed to be a blessing, why did it make her want to cry so hard?
"i..." her voice caught. what did she say to that? she was honestly at a lost. she'd never felt more stunned. she wanted to say that the feeling was mutual. that she was happy she stayed and that that no, she wasn't sure if she believed him, but she genuinely did forgive him. only she didn't know how to say it without making it sound like she was just saying it because he did. and she wanted to say all the things she'd been thinking lately - like how it felt weird alone at night now and how noah was an okay replacement but he wasn't a boyfriend that she loved and how much she missed him and how seeing him was like a blast back to the past. she wanted to say that he still made her feel things that she didn't quite understand and it confused and frustrated and pleased her all at the same time. and she wanted to say that she missed him: his face, his scent, his presence, his smile, his laughter, his voice. but it wasn't the right time and it wasn't her place to say these things. she had been dumped; she didn't want to be the ex-girlfriend who was hung up on the guy who dumped her. that wasn't her; it wasn't ever going to be her. and saying all of that would make her that very person. so instead of saying any of that she waited until she could find her voice so that she could say, "i believe you. and i forgive you." she paused. "and i told you last night, icarus. i'm not going to punch you. i couldn't manage it even if i wanted to." she smiled then, somewhat sadly, and cast her eyes down before looking back at him. "i'm glad that you stayed you. it might make seeing you again a little more painful, but i think it would hurt worse if you had changed." a few seconds passed. "i really did love you, you know."
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Post by icarus mcgregor koufidakis on Dec 15, 2011 22:32:29 GMT -5
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i could be all that you needed if you let me try LOOKIN' LIKE HE IS IN THE BANNER , I'M TOO LAZY TOO
LOL I ACTUALLY LIKED THIS POST. "i believe you. and i forgive you, and i told you last night, icarus, i'm not going to punch you. i couldn't manage it even if i wanted to. i'm glad you stayed you. it might make seeing you again a little more painful, but i think it would hurt worse if you had changed." for some reason, icarus didn't believe her. there was no way that she could just forgive him like that. at leas, he wouldn't have if he was in her place. it'd take more than two days of being reunited to forgive someone for what he did. if the situation was different- if he hadn't of dragged her to the united states, if he hadn't of dumped her after five months of being in the us, if it had been just a normal break up- then he could imagine that it would be easier to forgive and forget. this, though? this was different. this wasn't any normal relationship, and icarus didn't think that because he was so head over heels in love with adaline. it really wasn't a normal boyfriend and girlfriend situation. he'd ruined her life- at least that's what i thought. he had ruined any possibility of a real job, one that she'd worked so hard for, in a long time for her, and he had taken her away from her home. in his books, he counted as a good life ruiner.
then she said something that really hit him hard. "i really did love you, you know." really did? he knew that she wasn't going to come outright and say that she still loved him, because, hell, maybe she didn't anymore, but... really did? it left a sour taste in his mouth and a hard knot in his stomach. how was he supposed to react to that? it just wasn't something that you said to someone, no matter how long you'd been apart. especially when you see that it's effecting someone in a way like it was on icarus. it hurt, it stung, it just all around sucked. he looked away from her, again, looking over his shoulder at the extremely intoxicated seal that had collapsed at a table. after a few seconds of silence and staring, he turned his gaze around, focusing his attention on the water bottle's cap again. "i still do, adaline... unless i'm not allowed to say that. in which case, let's pretend i didn't." when the words came out of his mouth, he surprisingly... didn't regret it. because he meant it, and he meant it because it was true. despite not seeing her in two years, dumping her for a dumbass reason, and beating himself up over it for the past two days, he still loved her- more than anything in his life, and he was just now coming to terms with that. he looked away from the cap again, and found her eyes. they looked glossy, like tears were about to spill over them. crap, icarus. look what you did. "ada? you should smile more. that's what i fell in love with." |
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Post by adaline kaiya taylor on Dec 15, 2011 22:57:47 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 766 ( TAGGED ) HANNAH/ICARUS ( STATUS ) COMPLETE god, that did it. she blinked frantically trying to keep the tears back - god, crying in a bar, when did she sink this low? - but there honestly wasn't any stopping them. despite her best efforts they didn't get caught on her lashes, she didn't blink them back fast enough, and a few tears slipped from her eyes that she immediately wiped away. how could he still say that? that he still loved her. he had no right to say it; none at all when he was the one who brought her here and dumped her on her ass. and though she did forgive him for it - she had two years to get the fuck over it and that's what she did - it wasn't fair that he was able to get the words out while she was still left denying it to ease the pain. he had even said it the night he dumped her. "i love you but i can't be with you." was it always going to be that way? was he always going to feel that he loved her but not nearly enough? was he always going to be able to get the words out while she sat there and tried to do what she could to try and put it behind her? funny, how that worked. he dumped her and could still openly admit it, just like that. and she had given every fiber of her being up to him, let him take her all, and couldn't even admit it to herself.
she could feel the tears start to build up again and angrily brushed them away. no, damn it, she had done her crying over this! she had already gotten rid of all the poison he had left inside of her, had finally cleansed her body to be free of him. she had cried out every ounce of pain and she was not going back to crying over him now, in the middle of a strange bar surrounded by a bunch of drunk strangers. but god, why did he have to say that? no, why did she? she should have just stopped talking and left it with her being glad that he hadn't changed a bit. that was something friends said, right? when they hadn't seen one another in a while, it wasn't unnatural to mention. so why had she taken it that extra step? why had she allowed herself to even allow a bridge into that topic? it was stupid, stupid of her to do.
and then....then he called her ada and god, there went the waterworks again. she wiped those away quickly, blinked back the rest, put on a strong face and smiled just to give him what he wanted. but it fell after a second with shaky laughter and she averted her gaze and pushed her empty beer bottle further from her. "i wish i could forget you sometimes, you know," she said, her voice strained against the effort not to sob. "and sometimes i like to lay there and pretend that i have. but it never really works because even in thinking of forgetting you, i'm remembering right?" she let out a shaky breath, trying to steady her voice. "it's not fair of you to say something like that. i've tried so hard these past years to just..." she trailed off and closed her eyes against the tears. when she opened them again, she looked over at him. "i'm sorry. it's just hard to be in love with you sometimes. you're so bloody difficult." and then she laughed even though it wasn't funny and smiled even though it wasn't happy and wiped away her tears again.
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Post by icarus mcgregor koufidakis on Dec 15, 2011 23:33:39 GMT -5
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i could be all that you needed if you let me try LOOKIN' LIKE HE IS IN THE BANNER , I'M TOO LAZY TOO
LOL I ACTUALLY LIKED THIS POST. nothing she had just said to him hurt like the way he thought it would. in fact, he agreed with her. she was right to want to forget him, and she was right when she said that it wasn't fair of him to say that he still loved her after all this time, after all that he had put her through. he didn't blame her, and he certainly wasn't mad or even upset at what had come out of her mouth. there was no reason to be. she was speaking the truth, and he respected that. even though what she had said before had stung, and it was truth, this didn't. he didn't look away from her, he didn't let his eyes wander from hers, and he didn't move a muscle. she was right about everything, even though he wish she wasn't. she just... she was. "i know. believe me, i know. for a while i was in the same boat," it was hard to admit it, but he was. there was a time when he wish he could just forget everything that involved adaline, because remembering hurt too much. he couldn't though. it was like, every memory with ada with burned into his memory, the bad and the good, including the night that he dumped her. that, though, was a memory that he would never stop trying to forget, even if he already accepted the fact that he never woud.
"don't... don't cry. i didn't mean to upset you... or anything. just..." he pulled out his wallet and pulled out a random bill, which happened to be a twenty, and left it on the counter. he didn't care if that was way too much- he just couldn't handle tears, especially not from adaline. especially when he caused them. tears from his students? sure, he could do that. tears from the love of his life? yeah right. it was the last thing that she said that really made him act like a coward. "i'm sorry. it's just hard to be in love with you sometimes. you're so bloody difficult." for something reason, that hurt. but... why? she'd said it, it was nothing bad, and he knew he could be difficult. so why was he chickening out of this conversation? why was he leaving her crying in a bar, alone, with only drunk strangers as company? this was the side of icarus that came out when he realized that he couldn't handle a situation, but that rarely came around. so, when it did, all he could do was back out. that's what he was doing. "i'm sorry, adaline. i really... i'm sorry. i've uh... i've got work tomorrow." he hopped off the stool, and stuffed his wallet back into his jeans pocket. he stood there, looking at her for a few seconds of silence, before opening his mouth "i'll... see you," and then he hurried out. you're a fucking idiot, icarus. |
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