Don't stop believing (Athena)

[mitch taylor wickman]

So, he'd not quite been sure what to do since he'd got to Yale. He knew that Athena would be here somewhere but he'd been really torn on whether or not it would be a very good idea to look her up. Maybe she didn't want anyone to be around who could remind her of the fact that they'd shared this. It was something that confused him and he was known for over thinking things. However eventually he'd come to the conclusion that he was indeed going to try to contact her. So, it was a morning he had off and he figured he'd go look her up. Figuring the best place to start would be the office and ask if they could tell him which dorm she was in, he headed towards that building. Hands tucked into his pockets wearing his red jacket. It wasn't as though he was feeling very cold but this blanket was a little bit of a comfort zone of sorts. Addy had given it to him for his birthday and so yeah.

Once at the office he asked the nice lady behind the counter for the information and then started out, her building was a bit off compared to his and so there was a bit of a walk, just enough for him to start doubting if this was a good idea or not, again. Running a hand through his hair he crossed a miniature park like area and then a street and he was standing outside the right building, or at least he thought so. Stopping he frowned as he looked up at the windows, wondering if she'd even be there, she might have classes or something. Part of him almost hoped so, he didn't much like being reminded of that horrible day in the cafeteria but at the same time, he missed having someone who'd been there, who understood, around to talk to. Besides, until his family had decided it was a good idea to move, he'd been getting pretty good friends with her.

All this thinking and worrying was giving him a headache, not that those were uncommon for him these days of course. Sighing he squeezes his eyes shut for a moment and shook his head. Thinking about the cafeteria always made the images flash through his mind. Finally he entered the building and started heading up the stairs to the floor she's said she'd be on. He stopped as he came to the door that was hers and whoever she was sharing a room with. Reaching up he tried to knock, but then seemed to freeze in his tracks. What was he going to do about this? He didn't know, finally he closed his eyes, and kocked on the door. "Hey, Athena? You in there?" he asked, his voice soft and careful. This was a bad idea, he knew it was, but now it was too late and he'd just have to stand there and wait to see if she was going to open up or not.

[lizzy3]

Yale had been pretty hard on Athena. Her parents hadn’t really wanted her to go. They’d suggested she wait a semester or even a whole year, and Yale had said she would be admitted when she was ready. Apparently even the Ivy League schools would make an exception when you’d been through such a tragedy. But Thea just couldn’t stomach the idea of staying in New Orleans another year. There, she would have to walk past the school nearly everywhere she went, and be reminded of that day forever? No thanks. So, it had taken a lot of convincing, but she’d finally gotten her parents to let her go. And it had taken even more convincing to not get them to move up here with her. Athena (and her therapist), had to convince the West’s that she would do better on her own. Of course, her parents said she needed to continue her therapy at school. And she didn’t, for a while. Athena didn’t like therapy and didn’t see how it was helping. She still missed Addy and Kyle, and talking about it didn’t help anything. Athena still had no idea what happened, still had no idea how to get over it. Eventually, her parents noticed the lack of bills from the shrink, and made sure she started going again.

Nonetheless, Athena was enjoying being at college. Well, she was enjoying her classes. Her major was psychology pre-counseling (how ironic.) Thea figured that she would be able to make therapy something that people didn’t mind as much, and help people along the way. But she was always up to her eyeballs in homework. Her roommate had gone out for the night (most likely to another party), and so the brunette was alone in her dorm, reading for her current events class. Her eyes were getting heavy, and she was pretty sure she’d have to get a quick nap in before she could finish, when there was a knock and a muffled voice at her door. "Hey, Athena? You in there?" She furrowed her brow; the voice was familiar but she really couldn’t place it. Standing from her bed, she crossed the moderately sized dorm room and opened the door. Her eyes got wide when she saw Mitch standing on the other side of the door. Mitch – Addy’s boyfriend, Kyle’s best friend. What was he doing here? Mitch and Athena had gotten pretty close in the few months after the shooting before Athena left for college, but she was honestly relieved when they lost contact. If Athena was being honest, Mitch made her a bit uncomfortable. It wasn’t his fault, it was just the circumstances. ”Mitch, h-hey,” she said finally. ”Um, do you want to come in? What are you doing here?”

[mitch taylor wickman]

Oh god, the moment the door opened he knew without a doubt that he probably should have avoided coming here, but wasn't it better that he came here to say hey than to have her bump into him randomly on campus somewhere? However from the look on her face it was clear to him that this hadn't been a pleasant surprise for her. It wasn't so much that he wanted to remember high school himself, it was more the fact that right after it'd all happened, the only time and place he'd really felt peace was when they would be hanging out together. Sometimes they would have just been sitting there in silence, or sometimes watching a movie or doing normal life stuff. It wasn't as though either of them really had felt the need to talk about what had happened much, but they'd both known what it was like, there was no need to keep up appearances or to hide the fact that all they wanted to do was cry. Neither had been even remotely judging the other if they randomly started crying and neither had been looking at the other with worried eyes as if they were about to explode any moment because they both knew they were. It was just more of a comfortable, supportive companionship, or at least that's how he'd felt about it, yet here he was, at her dorm and she looked like she wished he was no where even close.

It was so clear she'd rather not want him there, but at the same time she did ask if he wanted to come in, then in the same breath what he was doing there. He stepped inside when asked if he wanted to come in and sighed a little. "Well, I go to school here now, Dom and my parents live around here as well." he said simply, he wasn't sure what else to say and shifted his weight, clearly feeling more than a little awkward about everything now that he was in the middle of it, it felt like Thea would have much rather not seen him at all, it was a bit disappointing at the same time as he could understand it, he was a reminder of what had happened. "I just thought maybe I'd come find you and at least let you know I was here, I mean it might have been a bit awkward to just run into each other on campus somewhere don't you think? Especially if there were loads of people about?" he added, really he felt so awkward already and now there weren't a bunch of people watching them.

Instead of sitting down somewhere, he just leaned against the wall next to the door, because honestly he had the feeling she wouldn't want him to stay. Again, this was a little disappointing, he hadn't thought it would be, but with remembering how comfortable it had made him to spend time with her after the whole mess had happened, well he realized part of him had been hoping that they could have something similar to it again now. He was still a mess of a person, always tense, and feeling detached from the world really. The only time he ever felt like he was part of the world anymore was when he was playing his music, and now there was talk about him going on tour for his music and the thought of that terrified him. Dom had said he wanted to come along for support and he appreciated that greatly, but he wasn't sure how he was going to be able to handle the whole situation. Ugh even the thought made him nauseous with nerves. "I'll leave if you want me to though, I mean I don't want to intrude or anything"

[lizzy3]

Athena was having nightmares. Terrible, horrible nightmares that she had a few times a week. Nightmares that made her wake up screaming. Nightmares that were driving a wedge between Thea and her roommate. But Athena couldn’t blame her for that. How would you like it if your first roommate woke you up with her screaming every other night? It was awful, but there was nothing Athena could do about it. The dreams started out normal enough. She would be with Kyle, doing something normal; they’d be out on a date or watching a movie at home. Simple things, normal things, things that they’d done on a regular basis. Then, all of a sudden, Kyle would just start bleeding, either out of his head or his chest. Athena would try to find where the bleeding was coming from, try and stop it, apply the pressure to his wound, but he didn’t have one. Then, people would appear. There would just be groups of people around, talking, laughing, carrying on, and Athena would yell for help. But, no one would look at her; it was like they couldn’t hear her. After a moment, Kyle would just disappear, as would the groups of people, and Athena would be left alone, drenched in Kyle’s blood.

"Well, I go to school here now, Dom and my parents live around here as well." No. Did Mitch really just say that he went to school here now? How was that even possible? Athena opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again. There weren’t really words to explain how she was feeling at the moment. It wasn’t like Mitch didn’t have a right to be here; but why was he here? This could be a good thing, in theory. She and Mitch needed each other to help recover. But Athena was having a hard time accepting that; she’d always been pretty independent, so this really wasn’t such a surprise. But she felt bad about this, too. It wasn’t fair to freeze Mitch out when he’d tried to be such a good friend to her. "I just thought maybe I'd come find you and at least let you know I was here, I mean it might have been a bit awkward to just run into each other on campus somewhere don't you think? Especially if there were loads of people about?" Athena nodded quickly. ”No, yeah, of course. I’m glad you stopped by.” The last sentence was a lie, but maybe It would ease his nerves a bit; Thea could tell she was uncomfortable.

She was a little jealous that his family lived here too. Sure, Athena had told her parents that she was fine with moving half way across the country. And it had been nice at first, starting fresh where absolutely no one knew her or what she had been through. But it had been hard too, and lonely. She sat on her bed, tucking her legs underneath herself and watched Mitch as he leaned against the wall. "I'll leave if you want me to though, I mean I don't want to intrude or anything.” Now Athena really felt guilty. Was she just being a terrible person right now? ”No,” Athena said, shaking her head. Unlike before, her voice had a feeling of sincerity. ”I’m.. it’s good that you’re here.”

[mitch taylor wickman]

All he really felt like doing at that moment was turning around and walking out the door because even if she'd said she didn't mind him being there, he hadn't bought it. Sure they hadn't been all that close in high school, well at least not until after the shooting, but he'd spent enough time around her to pick up on when she was lying, and this was definitely one of those times. Coming here had been a bad choice, but it wasn't as though Yale wasn't big enough for them to just ignore each other, hell it was even likely that they'd hardly run into each other at all unless they tried to. So many students, it was easy enough to get lost in a crowd and avoid having to bump into the other person. If that's what she wanted, that's what he'd make sure to do, stay out of her way, blend into the crowd whenever he spotted her. Really it wouldn't be hard, at least not in the physical sense. However, it would be in the sense that he really wanted and needed what they'd had before, he'd never force her into it though.

Running a hand through his hair he waited to see if she was going to want him to leave. He knew he looked like shit, he'd lost a lot of weight since they'd last met, he had constant dark circles under his eyes, and his hair seemed sort of lifeless compared to what it had been. Not to mention that the light and happiness that had usually been in his life before the shooting was now completely missing. He was almost about to turn and walk away when she stopped him. Carefully he looked at her to see if she was being serious. Her voice had sounded sincere enough as she'd told him not to go, but he still wasn't sure. "As long as you're sure. I really don't want to be a hassle, and if you'd rather I go and keep being gone, I will." he said honestly. "It's a big campus I'm sure you'd not really have to see me again if you didn't want to" he didn't sound angry, or even upset, just sort of tired.

Again he ran a hand through his hair and shifted his weight a little. Glancing around the room, just so he wouldn't have to see the look on her face when she told him she'd rather have him go, because that was the answer he expected. Really Mitch looked like a ghost of the boy he'd been before the shooting, and even if he'd made an effort to look decent, he always did, he looked like a mess. It was more than clear just by looking at him that he was nowhere near getting over what had happened before graduation, but at least his life was still moving forward, even if he felt detached from it. Again the thought of the tour crossed his mind and again he was filled with a mix of delight and fear. Music really was his life and it had always been a dream of his to be able to live off his music and go on tour, have people all over the place feel something about his music. At the same time he really just wasn't ready for it. His hand fiddled with the zipper of his sweater just because he needed something to keep him busy.

[lizzy3]

She could tell that Mitch was picking up on her surprise, and that she didn’t exactly want him here. And while that made her feel guilty, could he really blame her? Mitch was such a huge, painful reminder of what she was trying so desperately to forget. Athena was moving on, or she was trying to anyway. People would say that she was strong – not dwelling on the shooting, making new friends and everything. Thea thought that she was being kind of weak and cowardly, running from the facts rather than facing them. But cowardly or not, it didn’t change her plan. She came to college half way across the country, it was a fresh start, something not everyone was lucky enough to get. No one even knew about the shooting, other than her roommate, and that was such a freeing feeling.

"As long as you're sure. I really don't want to be a hassle, and if you'd rather I go and keep being gone, I will." Athena tried to stop it, but she rolled her eyes anyway. Mitch was being just a touch dramatic if she did say so herself. If she’d wanted him to leave badly enough, then she wouldn’t have invited him in. He just needed to take her invitation as a good thing and move on. On the one hand, Athena really just wanted to go back to the way she and Mitch were before the shooting. They ran around with the same people, he was dating her best friend, she was dating his, and she was strangely close with his older brother, and yet the two were never really close. But then in the beginning of the summer, they became close, and she wasn’t sure if they could go back to before. Athena wasn’t good at getting close to people; she hadn’t been even before the shooting. There was Addy and there was Kyle – the two of them knew everything there was to know about her. She didn’t need anyone else. And now that they were both gone, maybe she just didn’t need anyone at all.

"It's a big campus I'm sure you'd not really have to see me again if you didn't want to.” Athena sighed quietly. ”Look, Mitch, I said it’s fine, but I’m not going to spend my time reassuring you. If you want to go, then be my guest. But I said you could come in, so stop second guessing it, alright?” Her voice had just the slightest edge in it (that she’d learned from Addy), but it wasn’t too harsh. Athena just didn’t have the strength or drive to try and fix Mitch anymore. They were unfixable, and needed to come to terms with that fact.

[mitch taylor wickman]

A visible flinch passed his face at the tone in her voice that was so clearly of Addy's design. She'd used that tone whenever someone was annoying her, and he'd heard it more than enough times to recognize it, and frankly the fact that she'd even consider using it now, hurt. "Look. I was trying to be considerate of the fact that your tone told me you weren't really happy to see me. It's not my fault that you made that obvious." he said in a tone that wasn't really angry but definitely defensive now, maybe a bit hurt. The thing is, even if he wanted to stay, he didn't know what else to say at this point, since that tone in her voice had really just made him want to walk out and never look back. That was Addy's usual tone and it was just too much. At the moment he didn't know what to do so he just kept standing there by the door, for the time being directing his gaze out the window, trying to figure out if he was going to walk off or stay put.

Another sigh escaped him as he finally directed his slightly glassy eyes back to her. "Look I didn't come here to fight, and right now I'm thinking it wasn't the best idea in the world at all." he stated quietly. "I did honestly just come by because I wanted to see how you were." there it was, the truth about why he'd come by, and him showing that honestly he was really just there because he'd cared. Maybe they hadn't been super close, at least not until after the shooting, but that didn't mean he hadn't cared. He always had, about Kyle, about Addy and even about Thea, because honestly they were the friends he'd had. Aside from them he was that person no one really knew, that person that the girls all seemed interested in but who didn't pay them much attention back. Well not until he'd ended up with Addy anyway. With her he could have spent the rest of his life, but instead, he was here, on his own, feeling more than a little awkward.

"Didn't feel right being here and not at least stopping by" again, this was just the truth, no edge to the words or anything else, it has just felt wrong to sit there on campus, knowing she was in one of the other dorm rooms. Especially if there was any chance she was struggling as much as he was, it wasn't as though he wanted her to fix him, or even that he thought he necessarily could be fixed at all, or that he wanted to fix her, but still, he knew her family hadn't moved her with her and that must be lonely. He couldn't imagine what he'd do without having Dom around, or even his annoying over protective parents who hardly wanted to let him out of their sight for a split second. So here he was despite how he was thinking he should have had better judgement than that.