seems to me - [alex]

[david william harrison]

there's a fire starting in my heart

reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.tinypic.com/wb98wn.jpg');,true] ROLLING IN THE DEEP ! david was so used to spreading his attention between four people and his business. that's how it had been for the past five years. it had been close to eight years since he had just had one person. that was when it was just him and peter, before kyle came into their world. and before alex and arin came following him. it had been so long since then that he'd almost forgotten what it was like to only have one person that he had to pay attention to. well two, actually. given that arin as very much still in his world and very much still worth his attention. but it was different having her living in her own condo compared to living in his home with him. back when they were all five under the same roof it was always a trade out of who he would be spending time with that night. who would be sleeping next to him. not that there weren't many nights where they all just piled into his bed and had themselves a big cuddle fest. but more times than not, it was just one of them. usually alex, or arin. that's how it was, it was how he had loved it. and now it was different. not that he was complaining. it as just different having the only one he was coming home to being alex. he loved it all the same. his job, in all truth, wasn't a stressful one. it was art, and he loved art. he got to talk to artists all day, show off things he couldn't even dream of creating. and he was able to come home to a boy who loved him more than there were words for and he loved alex in return. he couldn't help but wonder if his boy got lonely during the day though, having a big empty mansion to himself. knowing alex, he kept himself occupied though. and he never was gone all that long in a day. just long enough to do some things at the office. hit the gym. see arin. things of those sorts. but still, he hated the thought that his boy might be lonely or bored during the day. he was, of course, allowed to come and go as he pleased. as long as he was home by the time that the night came. david preferred that he was home when he got home, if only because alex was a wonderful cook. and there was nothing quite like walking into him home then kissing his boy. that day was no different. he pulled into the drive way wit a smile on his lips and a bit of a skip in his step as he walked into the home. he looked around the entryway for his boy, but the scent of something delicious coming from the kitchen drew his attention in that direction. alex was in the kitchen. not really an oddity in the home. seeing as alex was almost always making something or another. that smile didn't move off of his lips as he took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack then slipped off his shoes. david loosened his tie as he made his way into the kitchen getting comfortable. this was his home after all. with quiet movements he made his way behind the other man wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on his shoulder. "hey there boy," he greeted and kissed his cheek. "what're you making?" he asked curiously before pulling him more tightly against his own hard frame. alex really was the most precious pet he could've ever wished for. there were some moments where he wondered what would've happened to his boy if he hadn't found him. if he would've been alright...probably not. when it came to the case of alex, he knew that he'd saved his life. and he was all the happier for it. alex was the one that he would never be able to set free. not that he would ever want to. but as difficult as it had been to free peter, he had been able to do it. but he wouldn't and couldn't do that with alex. he was different than peter. he would be too lost. his arms tightened around him for a moment as he pushed those thoughts away from his mind. he couldn't let alex go, and he was more than aware that alex wouldn't ever want to be let go. he wouldn't even bring it up to the boy who he was holding. "i missed you, did you have a good day?" he asked softly his hand reaching into the drawer for the remote pressing the play button so that music filled the area. david then began to dance slightly against his boy, a smile on his lips. 8 1 0 WORDS , renee/alex , bbiessss

table by california dreaming @ caution 2.0

[alex joseph carson]

not once, not in all the years that he had been with david, had alex ever regretted following peter home. ever. of course, a lot of it was a blur. actually following peter home, for one, and most of his first days because of the drugged stupor he was in. his first memories were just a lot of pain. going through withdrawals was probably the most painful thing in the world and he dared anyone to tell him otherwise. only david there to comfort him, to try and help soothe the pain, to tell him that it was going to be okay, could make going through drug withdrawals worth it. it was painful, though. alex had known people previous to that who had died because of their withdrawals, because they had no one there to help them through it, to ease their mind, to restrain them during the worst parts. not that he could remember them at first. not that he even wanted to.

the rest of the time he'd been with david though had been nothing but delightful. he'd never had a home, really - nothing that truly felt like it. he barely remembered who he was before he followed the blonde beauty home who would change his life forever. he knew there was...something. a woman who yelled a lot. drugs. bruises and scars he couldn't place tragedies to. that sort of thing. but nothing good - nothing like what david gave to him. after he was clean and stable, david sat him down and explained to him what living with him would mean. the house, the money, being taken care of...all in exchange for just doing what he said, becoming his completely. he would belong to david and share him alongside peter and kyle, have this eternal love from three of the best men he had ever known in his life. and alex, who had never felt loved before, accepted without hesitation.

he had always heard from david how much of a good boy he was for sliding so easily into the role he felt he was meant to fit into in this man's life. but it wasn't a matter of just wanting to hear praise from david. it was that alex didn't see anything wrong with the things david asked of him. compared to kyle, who was still going through training when david had released him, alex fell into submission like a dream. he didn't see anything wrong with doing things around the house - david paid for cooking lessons and he soon found his niche behind a stove, throwing together breakfast, lunch, dinner, and little snacks in between, ensuring no one ever went hungry. and when it came to the sexual element...alex had never been handled with care or with love or with someone keeping how he felt in mind. now, he had three people who would always keep it in mind, four when arin finally joined them. he didn't have any room to complain about the life he was given. he went from having nothing but a few bad addictions and a death sentence practically stamped on his forehead to having everything - a home, food, people who loved him. a fresh start. time to be someone worth living to be.

he owed david absolutely everything. he owed him his life, so he gave it to him. he owed him his heart and he gave more to him every day that he was alive. he loved david unconditionally, with more strength and force than he knew anyone could feel any one emotion. and eventually he grew to love peter and kyle and arin just as much until he was in this cove of protective love, this safe haven where for once he felt safe. these were memories worth having. he never thought backwards - only forwards to his future with this family. and maybe now with peter and kyle and arin most of the time being gone, he got a little lonely when david was out working, but it was worth it. because he found things to occupy his time - complicated desserts he wanted to try making, instruments he could teach himself to play, television programs to watch, working out to keep himself in shape, reteaching himself to read and building up his vocabulary. he was never bored; there was always something.

most days, though, were spent in the kitchen. he'd already started on some care packages to send to peter and kyle (okay it had been a week or so, but he knew how much kyle loved his oreo truffles) and was now starting on a strawberry salad to accompany some salmon he had defrosting on the counter that he planned to season lightly with butter and lemon pepper. throw in some broccoli and cauliflower and it wasn't much but it was delicious, and that was all that mattered to him. getting tasty food into peoples' mouths. he was cutting up some strawberries to finish off the dressing for the salad when david came up behind him sliding his arms around him and he immediately leaned into the touch as he slowed the pace of his knife, accommodating for a new distraction. "cutting strawberries for the salad," he said, a wide grin spreading onto his features, "to go with some salmon. it's a light night, i've decided." he rocked his hips lightly against david's as the music began to play, humming along to it contentedly as he turned his head quickly to kiss his cheek. then he focused his eyes back on the strawberries, careful not to hurt himself. "i missed you too, babe. though i've been distracting myself. made lots of desserts." he chuckled. "so i'd say it was a good day. but how about yours? how was work?"

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[david william harrison]

there's a fire starting in my heart

reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.tinypic.com/wb98wn.jpg');,true] ROLLING IN THE DEEP ! the truth of the matter was that david loved each of those that he kept for different reasons. they all had their own personalities, each with qualities that he loved and admired. there was peter, who since david had began to keep him always knew how to talk to him. peter always knew just what to do to calm him down. to make him smile. to get him to laugh when he was having a bad day. peter just had always had this way about him that made every person who had ever met him love him. david couldn't explain it, but he loved him for it. it was what made peter special. what made david love him so much. and in the ten years that he had spent with peter, he had always been the one he could talk to. he could sort things out with. then there was kyle, and for as much of a pain in the ass as kyle always was, david loved him none the less. because he made him laugh. and that sass of his was something that no one could compete with no matter how much they tried. in an odd way, he loved kyle because of his defiance. then there was arin, who he loved for many reasons. for her heart, for her compassion, for her happily every after dreams. then, there was alex. his sweet, sweet alex. from the moment that the boy had followed peter home david had known that more than any of the others that he had in his keep, he would be suited for this sort of life. not because alex had nothing -though that was a helping factor- but because he was someone who had been so deserving of love and had never gotten it. someone that was not a bad person no matter how much he was sure that his parents had told him he was. maybe the thing about alex that caused david to want him so much, was that he was so much like himself. in those ways of having parents who didn't love him. ways of being alone in the world. needing love, but never getting it. he could've been just like alex if matthias had never found him. he could've been the same sort of lost drug addict that alex had been. but he hadn't been. and he would be damned if he was going to let alex live a life that was filled with nothing but sorrow and pain. alex deserved more, because he had a bigger heart than damn near anyone that he had met. and david was more than willing to give it. alex had david in a way that none of his boys did. in a way, that not even david himself could properly explain if he wanted to. he belonged to the boy just as much as the boy belonged to him. when alex had given himself to david, the man had felt like he had given himself to alex as well. in a way that not even peter had him. alex would never leave his side. he could never leave his side. and it pained david to think of if he would ever have to leave this boy's side. in a lot of ways, he was his pride and joy. of course, peter would always be his love. his collared one. the one that he kept first. peter held a place that could never be filled in david's heart. but peter, he had kyle. and david didn't feel jealousy when he thought of it. he had accepted it. but the thought of alex ever finding someone as peter had found kyle. the thought pained him deep in his heart to a level that he couldn't describe. maybe it was selfish, the fact that he would never let this boys go, but david couldn't be bothered to care. he really was more than sure that alex wouldn't know what to do if he didn't belong to him. all thoughts of anything that might be upsetting tore away from his mind though. there was no need to dwell on things that would never happen. especially not when he had his boy close to him, and he could press his lips to the boy's neck, careful to not be too much of a distraction given that he was using a knife. he would hate for something to happen to alex, even if it was a small cut. it was hard, being without peter and kyle. it was hard having arin in her own condo and not at home with him and alex. but in a lot of ways, it was nice, to be able to give alex the attention that he deserved. the sole focus of david in a way that only peter had had before. alex was his love, he was his boy, and david could not think of someone more deserving of having him all to himself than alex. even if he was away at work a good part of the week. coming home to the smell of baked goods and a delicious dinner, it was wonderful. david rested his chin on alex's shoulder as his eyes looked over the food that was being made, and that content smile didn't move off of his features. "sounds delicious. i was thinking this morning while i was at work that salmon would be really great for dinner. are you reading my mind now boy?" he said in teasing tones before pressing another kiss to the boy's neck and letting out a pleased little hum. he more than happily accepted the kiss to his cheek and pressed his hips into alex's if only slightly. "sometimes, i wonder if you just enjoy watching me work out and that's why you make so many sweets so that i have to do more to stay in shape," he said in teasing tones, smiling at the way that alex moved with him as soon as the music was playing. for people who lives such a strange life style, they really were very domesticated when it came down to it. "work was good. found a few new artists in the area to feature, which should be exciting. other than that, it was just work. i'm happy to be home." a lot of WORDS , renee/alex , bbiessss

table by california dreaming @ caution 2.0

[alex joseph carson]

alex had a lot more freedom than he cared to use. when people that he met while he was out started bordering on being a little offensive when talking about his lifestyle, that was always what he told them. he had freedom, more than he wanted, more than he needed. he just chose not to use it. and he knew that was hard for people to wrap their minds around. they wondered if he could leave the house and make friends and go to college and do all the things that normal people did, why didn't he just do it? and honestly part of it did have to do with the fact that he didn't want to miss david if he happened to come home because now with everyone gone, he had just alex to come home to. and david should never come home to an empty house, never, ever in a thousand years should that ever happen. but it was more than that.

back in newport, he had gone out a lot. he did shopping and had a few friends he played guitar with and he liked to spend his days at the park with arin whenever david was really busy trying to keep kyle in line (and therefore peter as well, who busied himself in trying to share most of kyle's punishments). he always ran back to the house whenever david wanted him, was always just a phone call or text or even just a feeling that this man needed him away from saying goodbye to everyone around him and running back home. but that was newport. that was where he had started his new life; this - this wasn't newport. so he still went out. he bought groceries and made sure they always had food or ingredients to make it. occasionally he bought other things. household items, shampoo, soaps, clothes for everyone (he figured he'd ship them off to the blondes in maine). but he didn't go to the park as often. he didn't have any friends yet. most of his time was spent at home, trying to make it feel like home.

it was always hard for him to adjust to change. when he found out peter and kyle would be staying behind in maine, he had felt a panic rise up in him that he didn't understand. the move itself was hard as well. though being without arin had been scary, it wasn't necessarily a change. he still remembered a time without arin. but a time without kyle and (god forbid) a time without peter? a house without their presence, with no influence in the decoration, without him having to swat kyle off the counters while he cooked? that was terrifying. most of the time, he didn't leave this house in hartford because he was still trying to start thinking of it as a home. so if anyone in connecticut cared to think about it like some in maine did, he would tell them that exactly - he had more freedom than he knew what to do with. he just chose moments like this over moments when he could be making other friends. who needed them, really, when he had david?

and david made him feel so secure, too. he was always told how good he was, how happy he made david feel, and nothing gave him any more satisfaction. he wanted to be that person that david could always count on to make him feel good, the person who would always love him unconditionally. he wanted david to know that he could never, ever leave like peter and kyle because he knew how much that hurt the man that he loved so much. he wanted him to know without saying that he was everything good that alex had ever known and as long as david wanted him and needed him and desired him, he'd stick around. and even if david somehow stopped all those, he'd still be there, just in case he changed his mind. he didn't have peter's charm or kyle's sass or arin's power but he had so much love for the man now dancing against him that it was stupid. and that was never going to change.

he hummed contentedly at each kiss placed on his neck, smiling to himself at david's words and chuckling quietly as he grabbed another strawberry to cut. "you know me," he told him, "always aiming to please. lucky for me, your appetite is predictable." which he suspected wasn't always true. sometimes he felt like he could make total slop and david would still say it was just what he wanted for dinner just to make him feel better; but that was just a sneaking suspicion. he pressed back against him again, moving his hips lightly against david's with the music, being careful to note where his knife was as he did so. he was generally good with distractions but he doubted blood was a key ingredient to the dressing he was making. "i'm just always hoping you'll find more time to work it off with me," alex replied right on cue to david's teasing, a light chuckle leaving his lips. "though watching you solo it has also been known to be pretty stellar." he finished cutting the last of the strawberries and pushed the cutting board carefully away from him, wiping his hands on a dish towel before turning to face david with a smile. "that's awesome, dude," he told him sincerely, "can't wait to see the pieces." he kissed him softly, placing a hand on his chest and said, "i'm happy that you're home too, though. the place feels so echo-y when you're not here."

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