Ain't no rainbow without the pink [Lydia]

[jason elijah rowe]

The last few weeks had been seriously tough on Jason, he'd had that rough spot with Peter, then they'd finally made up at the auditions to the musical. Then the musical had turned out to be pretty much about the two of them and he'd have to play openly gay on stage in front of a lot of people. Not to mention some of the lyrics rubbed both him and Peter the wrong way. His nerves had been so high strung lately he'd felt about ready to snap at any moment, and so he'd decided it was time to hang out with his favorite family member. Mostly she was her favorite because he could talk to her about everything. Well almost everything, there were a very few select secrets he still kept from her, like the fact that he was gay, or the fact that he'd seriously been on the edge before the auditions. He'd even gone far enough as to buy a deadly dose of GHB that he'd been planning on taking, however he'd not really had the guts to do so, and now that things were looking up he was glad he hadn't. Not that the bottle wasn't still sitting in the bottom of his underwear drawer, but he had no plans of using it any time soon.

All the stress of the last few weeks though had put their mark on him. He looked like shit. Well that was a little exaggerated because Jason Rowe never looked like shit. It just wasn't humanly possible for him. He looked tired though, and there was a very slight hint of dark circles under his eyes which someone who'd known him all his life would easily notice. Never had this boy been one to easily admit his weaknesses or show his vulnerability, but to someone like Peter of Lydia, well it would be more than easy for her to tell that something was stressing him out. Honestly he was about ready to explode from all the pent up emotions and stress. Sure Peter had helped a lot, especially after the rehearsal earlier that morning, but there was still pent up stress. Not to mention the fact that he'd been absolutely exhausted after running those scenes and was even still feeling a bit nauseous.

It wasn't just stage fright that had cause this nausea, it was also all the emotions that singing and acting out Epiphany and Role of a Lifetime had brought to the surface. The fear of being an abomination the way epiphany calles the play's Peter when referring to him being gay, and then the knowing that role of a lifetime could very much be how his Peter felt about them. Sure the guy had said it wasn't but that didn't stop Jason from thinking he was the worst boyfriend in the history of boyfriends. So there he was, on his way to hang out with Lydia who was pretty much as close to him as if she were his twin. All he really felt he needed was to be somewhere with someone who wouldn't judge him and where he felt like he wasn't in need to be a perfect anything.

Between the rehearsal and now there had been classes and football practice and keeping up the perfectly happy straight sports guy face had been extremely difficult that day. Walking up to her door he knocked in the way he'd always knocked on her door ever since they were kids. It was three rapid knocks followed by four knocks with some more time between and two rapid ones again. It was sort of their secret knock to let the other know who was coming. Sure Lydia's room mate had thought it to be very strange the first time she'd heard it, but she'd had to get used to it. He prayed to God that the room mate wouldn't be there now though, because he really just needed some time with Lydia on his own. So he could put away the act of being fine and the act of being someone he wasn't and just be himself for a while. Not the perfect hero some of the people at this place seemed to think of him as.

[lydia madeline rowe]

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like a waterfall in slow motion

word.count;; lol no - tags;; liv/jason - notes;; dododododo ------------------------------------------------------------------

College was some kind of experience in life that she didn't quite know how to describe. All that she could think, was that she was glad she'd figured out how to be thin before going to college, because the last thing that she'd wanted to be was one of the fat girls. The fat girls didn't get asked out on dates. The fat girls didn't join sororities, though, she hadn't done that quite yet. Just knowing that she could, knowing that the new body that she had come back with after last summer was enough to get her just about anything that she wanted, well, it made Lydia a very happy girl. At least, as happy as Lydia Rowe could get. When it came down to the truth of the matter the young woman never was all that happy with herself.

When a person is told something enough times, they were always going to believe it. Especially when the person doing the telling was her mother. Telling her that she wasn't thin enough. That her that her nose was strange. That she would never be pretty like her older sister no matter what she did. It was a wonder that Lydia was able to walk around with the confidence that she did with everything that went through her mind on a day to day basis. The easiest way for her,w as to play everything off as a joke. Make fun of herself when she had the chance. Laugh a bit, get others laughing, and then it would all be fine and dandy or what have you. And maybe, she was fucked up for it all, but that didn't really matter. Because she was thin, she was finally thin.

Lydia had been seated at her desk working on her homework when she heard that all too well known knock at her door. Jason. Really one of the only people she was happy to see no matter what time of day or what day of the week, or what she was doing. Because he was her best friend. Because she loved the hell outta him. Because, he was the only person in her family, really, that had ever been accepting of her no matter what she looked like. Jason was, without a doubt, one of the best people that she knew in her life, and any chance that she had to spend time with him when he wasn't with Peter, she would take open heartedly.

The girl jumped out of her chair before going over to the door and opening it, a wide smile set on full lips. "Jasey," she greeted and then hugged him a bit tightly before letting go to let him into the room. "What's goin' on? You look like you haven't slept for a week. Ya know, if you put cold spoons under your eyes, it'll make the bags go away," she commented, a bit brash when it came down to it, but he was used to her. At least he should've been by that point. And so after shutting the door behind him she plopped back down in her chair crossing her long legs one over the other as her eyes moved to settle on him. Obviously, he'd come here to talk about something, and she was going to be all ears.

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[jason elijah rowe]

He'd been zoning out a little even between his knock and the short amount of time it took before Lydia opened the door. So before he knew what was happening he found himself wrapped in a hug with his favorite person in the world aside from Peter. After the initial confusion as to what had happened he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back quite closely. That hug had been needed and appreciated so much more than she could even have thought. It took him a moment before he was willing to let her go, but when she pulled back, he let her go and stepped inside. Of course she'd noticed the fact that he looked tired. It hadn't surprised him in the slightest, in fact it was something he'd expected before he even went to see her. Hell he almost felt like he hadn't slept for days. Of course he had slept some but not very well.

A small, tired chuckle left his lips as she made the comment about the spoons. "Trust Lydia to always know the solutions to problems" he said half way serious, half way jokingly. "Spoons huh? I'll have to try that if I don't sleep well tonight" he said, the comment was casual but there was something behind the words that said he wasn't really expecting to sleep all that well that night. A small sigh escaped him as he was trying to figure out how to answer her question. See normally when people asked that question they wanted a bullshit answer of I'm fine or Nothing. That wasn't the truth though and Lydia would see right through it. Unlike other people she'd always expected a straight answer when she was asking him these questions. Taking a deep breath he went over to sit on her bed since it was the only other place to sit in the room unless he wanted to get onto her room mate's side of the room.

"Honestly I'm all sorts of a mess" he admitted after a moment of silence. "The last couple of weeks have just been insane. What with trying to keep fit through the football down season and school, music and then fighting with Peter... again.. and on top of it somehow I thought it would be a good idea to finally join the school play like Peter has been wanting me to do for years." shaking his head he ran a hand through his hair. A true tell tale sign of hos stressed he was. "I guess it's all a bit more than I thought it would be. As for the play, well.. I can't say I'm very comfortable with the story of it all. It makes me feel more than a little stressed. I'd never in a million years thought I'd get a bigger role in a musical. I mean sure I'm on stage a lot but it's doing something I'm comfortable with. I'm honestly not with this play."

Again he shook his head looking like he felt a bit out of his comfort zone. She was also bound to know how much the fights with Peter affected him. It wasn't as if it was the first time the two of them had fought, but it was the worst fight they'd had so far and it had almost driven him over the edge. Maybe just because he had a tendency to bottle everything up and hide it away from the world, he ended up having issues when too much built up. Lydia had been the one person aside from Peter to see his weaker side through the years of his life, and it was good to have someone he could talk to even if he hadn't told her that him and Peter were so much more than friends. "Honestly I just needed some company with someone I can relax around" he confessed, half way tempted to lean back so he was laying on the bed, however he avoided doing so for now.

[lydia madeline rowe]

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like a waterfall in slow motion

word.count;; lol no - tags;; liv/jason - notes;; dododododo ------------------------------------------------------------------

Growing up Jason had honest to god been the best friend that she could ever wish for. When her mother and her sisters were putting her down for her appearance he was there to lift her back up. Not that she ever really believed any of what he said. What her mother said was said far too often for his words to counter it. Besides, they were right around the same age. How would he know anything about anything. Her mother had been a grown up. No matter the sad parts of her life, though, she was happy that she'd at least had Jason in it. No matter if she hid things from him or not. Everyone had their secrets after all, and Lydia was a bit sure that he'd been hiding more than one thing from her. Something for quite a while, now, though she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

A light chuckle came from her and she rolled her eyes before shaking her head at him. "Mom was always telling Emily little things like that. If there was one thing my mother's always been good for, it's making sure you look as beautiful as you possibly can," she said with a little bobble of her head and a bit of a sarcastic tone to her voice. Bringing up her older sister or her mother never was something that would come with a smile or a warm look in her eyes. That was then nor there, though, because her problems were well and since known, Jason's however, she still needed to get to the bottom of what was bothering her dear cousin. The smaller girl moved to sit beside him crossing her legs criss-cross applesauce before she leaned back on her palm looking at him curiously.

Lydia listened to him with that concerned look on her features as he spoke. The truth of the matter was that she had never seen him so incredibly run down like this. It took a lot to get to him, things just sort of piled up for Jason Rowe and then he exploded. It seemed that he was close to one of those explosions here soon. With a small sigh she sat up and wrapped her arms around him resting her chin on his shoulder as she looked at him with those soft eyes. "Jason, if you're going to explode while in my dorm, could you at least do it in the bathroom so it's not so much of a mess to clean up?" she said teasingly before pressing a quick kiss to his cheek and then moving so she could look at him better.

"Honestly, you know I'm here for you no matter what. And if you just wanna hang out here and maybe nap, you know that you're more than welcome," she stated massaging his shoulder for a moment. "As for the play, ya know, it's a provocative play. It something that's meant to make people, people like you and me really, ya know, think. I mean, c'mon Jason. You aren't going to go to hell for playing a gay guy on stage." With that she reached over into her mini-fridge pulling out some hummus and crackers then set them on the bed for them to share. "I think that you shouldn't stress yourself out about it so much. To be frank, I think that your fight with Peter has you wigged out, and you're transferring your wiggyness onto the play. Instead of dealing with whatever you and Petey fought about." Lydia then popped a hummus covered cracker into her mouth and looked at him with a sweet smile. "And it's okay, to talk about why you guys fought. You know nothing can shock me."

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[jason elijah rowe]

A tiny smile crossed his face at the mentioning of exploding, but honestly he felt about ready to explode. There had been so many ups and downs the last few days and add to that the fight before, school work, working out, the play and music and it was just too much for him to deal with all at once. School and the music that came with it and working out for football usually kept him more than busy enough and now he had so many more things on top of it all. "I promise I won't leave my splatter everywhere" he said in an attempted joking tone, but honestly he was just too tired to really want to joke. There wasn't much effort in trying to keep his usual mask up, so it seemed sort of weak and unaccomplished. "But really, I think I'll manage not to explode on you" he added, letting out a soft sigh. In fact he wasn't entirely sure about it at all, but he'd try not to because he'd had a massive meltdown already within the last few weeks and he really didn't want another one.

It would have been very clear to her just how tense he was when she massaged his shoulder because it was pretty bad. "Yeah, I know I can. I just don't really know what to say... it was something stupid that just ended up being something really massive to argue about. We always end up coming back to the same issues and I don't know. The fight was just a lot worse this time than the usual stuff." he said vaguely. He'd never really talked about what Peter and him argued about. Of course this was because doing so would require for him to tell her he was gay, and that, well it just wasn't something he was ready to do yet. It was more than clear enough from his face though, as he talked about it, that the fight had indeed gotten to him a lot more than his words made it sound like. They had after all not ended up talking for days and he'd thought he'd lost Peter completely.

Her comment about not going to hell for acting like a gay guy had him tense up even more, mostly because going to hell for it, or more like dragging Peter to hell for it, was something he was more afraid of than anything else in his life. It just freaked him out more than he could possibly begin to explain. "Yeah I know what it's meant to do, but it still bugs me. I just can't really help it" he added in a quiet voice. He'd been so fucking emotional earlier that day when they'd been having practice for the play. "I think I'd like to just hang out here for a bit before going off to hopefully actually get some sleep." that statement more than implied he hadn't slept well for a good long while. He'd always been the kind of person to understate his own issues. Never wanting to bother anyone else with his own crap and never really wanting anyone to see how vulnerable he could be at times.

In fact within the last few weeks he'd had issues keeping his mask of perfectly happy, well adjusted, always smiling football player. Also the fact that the girls were always all over him bothered him more than it ever had. Playing it cool and not pushing them away way too soon was getting more and more difficult. Especially after practicing some of the scenes for the play and realizing how much it probably bothered Peter when the girls were all over him. Yeah he definitely wasn't a happy camper. Even his friends on the football team had noticed something was up with him, and some had even gone as far as to ask. It wasn't like them to do that unless they thought something was seriously up. Sure he'd just shrugged it off and said he was fine, but clearly he hadn't been able to fool any of them and some of them even shot him a slightly worried glance from time to time. "I guess I'm just tired's all"

[lydia madeline rowe]

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like a waterfall in slow motion

word.count;; lol no - tags;; liv/jason - notes;; dododododo ------------------------------------------------------------------

It was hard to see Jason like this and Lydia would never try to pretend that it was ever easy to see her dear cousin so burnt out. So just, worn down to his bones. Sure, she was the type of person too who took more on her plate than she could handle, but then again she had a different way of handling it. Jason, well, he'd never been all that good at dealing with things. Lydia liked to think it was because he never talked about anything. Because he was always just keeping things to himself and even though he did talk to her she could've sworn that there was so much that he didn't tell her. Just so very much that he kept a secret. Of course, she wanted him to tell her, but she had some secrets of her own, and she knew that she had her reasons for not telling those. So, Jason probably had his reasons as well.

"Not exploding on me would be very appreciated. I rather like this sweater and I'd rather not have brain matter on it," she spoke in teasing tones, but they were still soft. Soft because she could tell that there just wasn't the same energy in him that he usually had. If Lydia could she would lock Jason in a box and keep him from the world for a week if only to chill him the fuck out. She knew that wasn't going to be possible anytime soon though, so, she would go on just being the friend that she had always been to him. The one who could provide a sort of sanctuary away from everything else, and rub his shoulders.

A light sigh came from the young woman as he described, or ya know, non described what happened in their fight. It was like this every time. Every single time that Jason and Peter fought she tried to talk to the both of them and all that it ended up doing was getting her a lot of vague statements and never actually knowing what was happening. "Yeah, well, sometimes little things become big things when it's a whole bunch of little things added up. You two will work it out, though. You always do. Sometimes I swear you're like an old married couple," she teased giving a bit harder of a squeeze to his shoulder before moving so she was sitting more behind him and could give him a better shoulder rub than he was doing. He was more tense than she'd noticed him being in a long time.

Lydia sunk her teeth into her lip for a moment as his words were brought up and she knitted her brows. She supposed that she'd never quite understood Jason's homophobia. The way that she saw it was that there was only one sin that would for certain send you to hell, and that was denying Christ. And if she were to be perfectly honest she believed that there was no way that there couldn't be gays in Heaven. It just wouldn't be fabulous enough if there weren't. She decided for the moment to not get into it. He was tired, and she could tell that much. Getting into a conversation about the homosexual population really wasn't the sort of thing that she needed to get into while he was so run down. She made a mental note to come back to it later.

"Well, you can hang here as long as you want, hon. I'm all caught up on homework and my roommate isn't going to be here anytime soon. So you're golden to just chill, ya know," she stated before wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pressing a light kiss to his cheek. "I love you Jasey. Thanks for coming to me." Those thin arms of hers tightened around him for a moment before she let him go and got off of the bed going to the mini-fridge. "Can I get you anything?"

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[jason elijah rowe]

As they sat there like that he let one hand twirl the ring on his left ring finger. The tip of the heart was facing towards him, and he kept glancing at it. Sure he'd had a rough day, but it hadn't all been bad, just seriously draining. This ring was something that could bring a smile to his face at any point in time, and a small one had crawled it's way to his lips as he looked at the ring for a moment. He wasn't really thinking that the ring might raise questions. "it's alright, we're not fighting anymore anyway. It was just a really exhausting fight and with everything else it's what's made me so tired." he said, and it was the truth. The fight had been hell, but it was over now and with the fact that he and Peter were engaged. Well it was a big deal, of course they hadn't told a soul and likely wouldn't any time soon, but it didn't keep him from being over the top happy about this fact in his life.

His eyes dropped shut though and he let out a content sigh as she started massaging his shoulders a bit more firmly. Damn that hurt and felt so good all at the same time. He could already feel her working out some of the nasty knots that had been forming in his back over the last few weeks. Sure they weren't going to disappear that easily, but it was helping for sure. "Well I'm sure we've known each other for pretty much as long as a married couple, if not an old one. We've known each other since we were in diapers after all" he said, there was always a fondness in his voice when he spoke of his friendship with Peter, even if he'd never mentioned that there was more to the relationship than simple friendship. It was almost as though he and Peter had been destined to each other, but then again, God didn't destine guys to be together did he? He meant for males to be with females and not other males.

As he felt her arms wrap around him, he leaned back into the hug a little, drawing some support form the hug. She'd always known how to make him feel better and when was the right time to hug him or to just let him be. This had been a good time for a hug and he smiled softly. "Thanks, I'll hang out here for a while then. I have loads I should be doing but honestly I'm exhausted and I can't see myself getting anything done even if I wanted to at this point" he confessed and it was the truth, his mind was far too exhausted to even begin thinking about school work or the play. As she let go of him and moved to the mini fridge, he finally leaned back and stretched out with his arms up under his head. "I'll just have something to drink if you have any. Anything is fine really, I'm a bit thirsty after working out still. Today has just been a bit tiring and I guess I forgot to drink enough.

Jason was one of those people who tended to get a bit dehydrated if he didn't drink a lot during his day. It was mostly due to the fact that he worked out so much. Being dehydrated tended to give him headaches, he didn't have one yet but he could feel one building up and he wanted to avoid it at all costs. Again his eyes dropped shut and he let out another soft sigh. It was so comfortable to be around Lydia, it always had been. The two of them were so close they could have been twins, and he always went to her when he was feeling down. "Thanks for being here for me to go to" he said as a reply to her statement."it's good to have somewhere to go when needed, you know you can always do the same too right?" he added to make sure that she would know that should she need it he'd be there for her just the same way she was for him. More often than not lately though it had been him coming to her.

[lydia madeline rowe]

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like a waterfall in slow motion

word.count;; lol no - tags;; liv/jason - notes;; dododododo ------------------------------------------------------------------

The thing about Lydia was that she had always felt like the connection between Peter and Jason was so much deeper than friendship. It wasn’t something that she would ever bring up, not something that she would ever mention to either of them or even anyone else in her life. But just the way that they fought, just the way that when they were in an argument and both of them acted like it was the end of the world. That was not a normal thing for two friends, at least not two friends that were guys. Every time that Peter and Jason fought, though, it was like the end of the world was coming and here were charging the four horsemen to come after anyone that knew them. Even if she would never mention it to anyone, she would never bring it up, there was just this feeling that she had in her gut about the two of them. Blue eyes moved to the ring that he was twirling around his finger and a brow rose for a moment, but she didn’t bring it up.

”Yeah, well, I’m glad that it’s over. I really hate when you two fight. It leaves me feeling all out of place and like the world isn’t quite right you know? Even if you two have known each other enough to act like old ladies,” she said with a simple chuckle before ruffling his hair slightly before going back to working the knots out of his back. Jason had been this way for as long as she could remember. Always a stress case, always the one that overworked himself to the point where he forgot to do simple things like drink enough water. Sometimes she wondered if he realized how much he took on that he shouldn’t. Or that maybe he should give himself a bit of a break more often. ”Jase you are so tense, you really need to take a weekend off or something. You’re gunna give yourself health problems,” she spoke in concerned tones. Not that she really had a lot of room to talk, the girl who would purge for two days if she gained five pounds. But either way, they weren’t talking about her problems. This was Jason’s time, and she would prefer to keep it that way.

A small smile came onto her lips when he leaned into her hug and she even as far as to press a small kiss to his cheek. As far as cousins went she was sure that there weren’t any two people who were closer to each other than herself and Jason. Though, she supposed that they both had their own secrets. She knew that she sure as shit did. Things that she wouldn’t tell Jase if her life depended on it. ”My dorm is your dorm, you know that. I’m glad you came over, I’ve been missing you. You never have time for your favorite cousin any longer,” she teased giving him a wink before moving off of the bed so that she could get them both something to drink. She grabbed a gatoraid for the both of them before plopping down on the bed next to him again. The girl took a drink before turning her attention fully on him again.

A brow raised as she looked over at him with a loving smile on her face and she kissed his cheek again. ”Don’t worry about it Jase. What’s family for?” Lydia just nodded in understanding at his words then gave him a reassuring sort of smile before taking another drink. ”I know, I’m doing good sweetheart. Don’t worry about it hon. If anything is wrong you’ll be the first one to know,” she smiled at him again and then set her drink on the side table before leaning back onto the bed and letting out a contented sigh.

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