so i can't hurt you anymore - [zane]

[mickey james wilson]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb= style, background-color: 6F434E; width: 420px; padding: 5 5 5 5px; border: 10px solid #2F2E2E;] two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl renee/zane - ALL THE WORDS - adsfkjads;lkj i hate these two ;-; Mickey Wilson would be an all out liar if he were to say that there wasn't a part of him that was tempted to go ahead and just not go back to Zane's house. The conversation that they'd had, it was more than he even began to know how to handle. Of course, for two boys who both were more than okay with the fact that they did like sleeping with other men, and for them to be as close as they'd been for so long, it wasn't so odd that they'd fallen in love with each other. Fuck, Mick knew that he'd fallen in love with Zane far before he ever started tossing a fit over such a thing. He just, didn't talk about it. He thought that if he just pretended that it wasn't there that somehow he wouldn't have to face it and then everything would be great. The thing about pretending was that one day he had to wake up and smell the roses, or the shit, or whatever other fuckin' metaphor you wanted to throw in there to act like some clever son of a bitch. The fact of the matter was, that he was in love with Zane. And for as much as people liked to talk about how love was the greatest thing in the world, and it was all that anyone could ever need in their life, and without love there was no fuckin' reason to live, Mickey found himself hating it. He felt like he'd been betrayed in some fuckin' way. Like God was up there in his mutha fuckin' chair just laughing at him because he'd gone and fallen in love with his best friend. But he shouldn't be allowed to have him. Mickey was not a moron, he knew that he wasn't a good person. No matter how much Zane wanted to tell him that under it all he had a heart of gold and what the fuck ever. Mick knew better. He knew better than Zane could ever know just how bad he could be. They didn't need to go down that path, and Mick knew it. He knew that all it would lead to was him trying to a long time, and then it just ending up broken because he was some kind of royal fuck up in a way that not even Zane seemed to know. He didn't know how to love, or how to not sleep around, and most certainly didn't know how to not have sex for an extended period of time. Which is how it would be with Zane. Because Zane was Zane. And it wasn't like he was going to give him some kind of hall pass just because he was a slut. Just that waiting alone was something that Mickey knew might be the end of a relationship with them. Call it a self-fulfilling prophecy if you fuckin' want to, but at least Mick was willing to look in the mirror and be more than aware of what kind of person he fuckin' was. Anyone who wanted to try and say that he wasn't, fuck, he could give them example after example of how he was just, well, not something that someone in their sane mind would want in a boyfriend. He was a slut, he hadn't gone even a week without getting laid since he lost his virginity at fourteen. He would try drugs just for the hell of it. He loved to drink. And to party. And all of that shit. Mick supposed the only person he ever really was good around was Boo. But that was because she was fuckin' four and he knew that Zane would kick his ass into a fuckin' hospital bed if he were to pull any shit around her. He wouldn't though. If there were any person that pulled out that soft side of him it was that little girl. The conversation, or fight, or whatever you wanted to call what they'd just had though. That was too fuckin much. More than he could really deal with. And it had ended with one very stark, brick in the mutha fuckin' face, thing. Zane wanted to be with him. Zane had faith in him, ill placed or otherwise. And Zane loved him. He'd admitted to that. He should've been happy. He should've been jumpin for fuckin joy and kissed that dumb fucker's face, but instead it was like putting a mirror in front of him and showing him every last reason that he shouldn't be with Zane. And every little gritty detail of himself that was unworthy of having someone love him. The temptation to just get drunk and not show back up was so very high, that it was wonder that he didn't do it. He couldn't though. For some dumb fuckin' horse shit reason there was something that stopped him from going to the bar. Or fuck, even calling up Greg because then at least he knew that he could get sex which was an equally as distracting thing as drinking. He did none of those things though. What he had done was go to his apartment, and he just sat, and thought. By the time that Mick looked up at the clock he'd realized that a couple hours had gone by. He didn't know where the time had gone, it'd felt like he'd just sat down. The man let out a sigh before getting up and grabbing his jacket. Because, the least he could do he supposed, was come back like he said he would. Mick was still without answers, without any idea of what he was going to say or do about it all. But fuck, if he stayed away for too long then he would just be proving one more reason why Zane shouldn't be with him and that was because he couldn't keep his fuckin promises. It was a quick grab of his keys and then he drove over to that all too familiar house. And for a few moments he just sat in the car staring at the front door. What the fuck was he supposed to do? He supposed he would start with going inside. "I'm back." oh how we found the same old fears TEMPLATE BY BROOKE~

[zane dominic mercer]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] FUCK THE PAST; THE FUTURE IS IN YOUR HAND The Words: lazy The Outfit: click The Notes aljdskf ZICKEY TEARS mickey was right. he was an idiot. probably one of the biggest idiots to ever walk the face of the earth. but honestly, zane knew this. he knew what happened to him when he fell in love. he knew how stupid emotion made him, and he knew that he was being a really huge fucking idiot if he honestly thought that mickey was going to be any good for him if he were to try and strap him down and put the title "boyfriend" on him. because mickey was mickey - he slept around and didn't give a fuck and had never been in a relationship really before in his entire fucking life. and zane? zane was soft. when he needed to be he was one angry hardass mother fucker, but truth be told? zane was really easy to break underneath it all. he was too nice, too trusting, put too much faith in people. he believed in love. maybe a little too much. but he had faith in mickey. shit, he had more faith in mickey than he'd probably ever had in anyone before in his life, and maybe people would think it was ill-placed. and maybe in actuality it was but he was never going to know until he gave it a shot. he kept his feelings for mickey quiet for a long time, and for a guy like him, that was hard to do. it was probably obvious with how lenient he was with him or in the moments when he'd watch mick with rem and just look at him with enough fondness that it was a miracle rainbows didn't shoot out his fucking eyeballs. he couldn't deny his feelings, wouldn't, and never had, but he'd never really explicitly stated them either and he had never tried to push mick in any way for or against a relationship with him. it was a conversation they had been able to escape, something they had been able to push to the side, and at first zane had himself convinced it was because mickey didn't feel the same way. but evidence was hard to ignore. and it was all because of that damn kiss. he was fine before that. before he grabbed his best friend and kissed him to prove what was happening with marilyn was no big deal and before mickey returned the small gesture. it was nothing. shit, zane had given more intimate kisses to kendall. but it was that moment of reciprocation that made him realize that he could sit there and keep quiet about his feelings for mickey for the rest of his life but it didn't change shit. he loved him. he loved him, and maybe that was stupid of him and maybe mickey was never going to agree to having a relationship with him and maybe he'd never get the closure he wanted. but he loved mickey wilson in a way that was hard to comprehend and mickey felt the same. he knew he did. he just didn't have the same faith in himself that zane had in him, but zane wasn't going to let mick give up on something they never started. which was why he had been so wary of letting him go and the longer he stared at the clock on the wall, the more nervous he was that mickey was just trying to prove him wrong and was going out and doing something stupid. that he'd never actually come back that night or if he did it would be in a state that wasn't fit for remedy to see so he'd just throw him right back out. he knew his best friend. he wouldn't put it past him to do something in a desperate attempt to show that he wasn't the right one for zane, but shit, mickey seemed to like to forget that zane knew who he was. he was aware of what mickey was like. it didn't change anything before - he still loved him as sure as the sun rose every morning, and he didn't care if that made him sound like a pussy because it was true. he loved mickey. he wanted to be able to look at him and call him his and his best friend was so opposed to it, so sure that he'd hurt him...but zane had faith in love. after everything that he'd been through, the one thing he could always be certain of was love. so he still set a place for mickey at the table. he still made enough soup to go around, baked enough bread for three. he usually did anyway just in case someone else in the clan dropped by but he made an effort to make it incredibly deliberate. they were going to have a third party at dinner. mickey was going to show up. for a while, remedy just paced around with him, occasionally contributing to the baking and asking every now and then why kitty left. and looking down at her, it was hard to not tell her and hard to tell her that he was going to be right back when there was the possibility that he wouldn't be. he pet her hair when she pouted and held her as he let her stir the soup on the stove and remembered how it sounded when she called mick her dad. he placed a loving kiss behind her ear and she laughed and told him to stop and he wondered if it mick had had her do it to prove a point or because he'd wondered what it would sound like to hear. maybe it was both. he watched as remedy added a little salt to the pot and laughed to tell her not so much, and she pouted and said he always just added more salt anyway. he let her finish adding it, but mainly because he took a moment to glance at the clock. he was helping remedy ladle out the soup into bowls when he heard his front door open and paused for a moment, hoping to god it was mickey and not someone else coming in to tell him that mickey had gotten himself into a spot of trouble again. because they all seemed to like to do that - tell him when mickey had messed up like it was going to change anything. he heard mickey's voice, though, calling out that he was back and he saw his daughter smile as she sloppily filled the last bowl with soup. he cleaned up some of the broth around it and called out, "kitchen, mick." which probably wasn't the best as this was probably a conversation better held in private. but he didn't see why they couldn't talk in front of remedy. at least it would help to keep their language less abusive, even if just for a little while until he had her go play in her room with the promise of dessert. created by ADE! Pb-ified by WILL

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[mickey james wilson]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb= style, background-color: 6F434E; width: 420px; padding: 5 5 5 5px; border: 10px solid #2F2E2E;] two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl renee/zane - too many words - ily or wtfever Nothing good was going to come of this conversation that he knew no matter how hard he tried, he wasn't going to get out of. Absolutely nothing good. Mick knew it in his bones that their deciding to move into that untouched territory had been for a damn reason. He loved his best friend. He thought the fucking world of him, and he knew without a doubt in his head that the last person that Zane needed as some life companion was himself. Because he was Mickey mutha-fuckin' Wilson. And sure, he was a fun guy to be around. And sure, he had more friends than he knew how to keep track of for one reason or another. But that didn't make him a good person. All that proved was that people liked to hang out with ass holes, because, he was an ass hole. No matter how much Zane might try to say under it all that he was some sort of good person. He was an ass hole, and Zane was just another person who thought that he could get him to not be an ass hole. To settle down. To be his. And he wished to fucking god that it had never come to this. Mickey was more than content to live the rest of his life as Mickey Wilson, best friend of Zane Mercer, lover of no one. It was how he swore he was born to be. Sure, he'd thought about what it would be like to be with Zane but never in the happily ever after romantic sense. Mostly just being able to kiss him, suck him off, fuck him, things like that. But never did he really think of having him as his boyfriend. And it wasn't because Zane wasn't wonderful because he was the best fucking person that he'd known in his life, but it was more because he was not a good person. He didn't think about being with anyone in a relationship sense. His life was based around sex, and having a good time, and fuck if he didn't aspire to be like Charlie Sheen in Two and a Half Men, except without the whole falling in love shit. Because lets face it Charlie was so much better when he was bringing random bitches home to fuck instead of being all hung up on Chelsea. That was the life that he had planned out for himself, and now, everything he'd ever gotten used to thinking was being rattled up. He wished that he was more like Jason, he wished that during the hours he was gone he had sat in his shitty studio apartment and written up a list of reasons why it wouldn't work out. He wished that he had planned something else instead of just sitting there for hours on end doing seemingly nothing because fuck if he didn't want to be able to prove to Zane just why he wasn't good for him. He wished that he was more like Jagger, someone who actually could love. Someone who when they got into a relationship and devoted his whole world to that person. Fuck he wished that he was even Kendall who had somehow figured her shit out and found someone that loved her for all of her insane lighting Cervantes's on fire ways. He wasn't like his cousins, though, not in that way. Mickey was everything bad about every one of them all rolled up into a painfully pretty package. Whatever good that Zane saw in him certainly wasn't something that he could see. Fuck, the only time he even barely thought that he was a good person was when he was around Boo, but he could easily forget her when he was out being a dumb shit. And fuck if he shouldn't have just said fuck it and gone out and done what he did so many nights in his life. Get fucked up, have sex, party until he was all partied out. He couldn't though, for some fucked up reason there was no way that he couldn't show back up at the Mercer house hold and have some fuckin' dinner. And maybe it was because he was a better person than he gave himself credit for. Or maybe it was really because Zane had kissed him and it had felt so fuckin right that he had no god damn clue how he was supposed to even process it all. Fuck though, he really didn't want to do this. He didn't want to even talk about going down this path, but he was screwed into it. There was no backing out now. There was even less backing out once he was in the house. Even if he'd wanted to turn around and book it for the door that just wouldn't be an option. He was sure that Zane would've ran out of the house after him and tackled him to the ground before he could even make it to the car. Don't think for a second that it didn't cross his mind though. The man let out a silent sigh before making his way towards the kitchen. He leaned on the door frame and looked at the two Mercer's in front of him with a lazy sort of smile on his lips. He really was happy when he was there. Happier than he'd ever been when he was out drinking or being reckless or any of the shit that he usually did when he wasn't hanging around this house. "Smells like some good cookin'. I'm sure that Boo made it all herself, huh Boo?" he spoke crossing his arms over his chest and looking at the girl with that loving smile on his lips. In so many ways he didn't belong in that house, he didn't belong with Zane or Remedy for that matter, but in even more ways, this was the only place that he had ever really fit in. oh how we found the same old fears TEMPLATE BY BROOKE~

[zane dominic mercer]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] FUCK THE PAST; THE FUTURE IS IN YOUR HAND The Words: lazy The Outfit: click The Notes aljdskf ZICKEY TEARS zane was used to judgment. hell, you didn't tattoo half your body and not get used to the judgment because for some reason people either turned up their noses at tattoos or assumed you were a badass because of them. add in that he was a single father who worked at a tattoo parlor, loved on people of the same gender, purposely knocked up the woman who would go on to birth his child, and hung out with the likes of people like jagger and cain and mick and kendall, and you had a lot of odds stacked against him that were really rather unfair. however those who were able to look past those judgments were the ones who went on to be some of his closest friends because they realized what most people did when they sat down and had a conversation with zane mercer - he was a nice guy. a rough exterior but a soft center and he had so much kindness in him that it was stupid. however, the one thing that zane got the most judgment for, even if it was just silent judgment, was mickey. hell, he got judgment about mickey from other people who were friends with both him and mickey. they just didn't understand it, how zane could be friends with someone who was so different from him. they didn't understand his affection, his love, and even after they saw mickey with remedy, they still didn't get it. because away from remedy, mickey was a horror story. if zane hadn't grown up with him, many people were convinced that he wouldn't have let him into his life at all and attributed their friendship to zane's fear of losing people that he considered to be close friends. he got a lot of crap, especially from kendall who could read zane's feelings like a book, about how he needed to stop fixating on him and find a nice girl or a nice boy who was going to treat him right for once in his life. he needed to date. and for a while he did, but there was only so much he could put up with before he realized that he just didn't care about them like he cared about mickey. because judge him for it - he did care about mickey. so much that it was stupid. he knew he was technically a bad person. always partying and drinking and having sex and being obnoxious to the point that kendall had put aside a fund for a mickey taser that she was one hundred percent serious about. he was loud and he swore and he was vulgar and he was everything that zane didn't want around his child. but he was more than that. he was so sweet and he helped so much with remedy that zane would never be able to repay him in a million years. he was a loyal friend who had stuck with him through his twenty-five years of bullshit, a friend who practically lived with him, and deep down under it, a really sweet guy. maybe it was too deep for most people to pay attention to; maybe people didn't believe him or thought he was just being him when he said there was a good person inside of mick. but he believed it. he had faith in it. that was why he loved him. not because he was a party animal who he knew it would be easy to get sex from but for every other reason there was to like mick. because he was funny and ridiculous and good with his little girl and he was a constant in zane's life. a thousand years could pass and he could still be sure that mickey would be there with him. he was certain; he was day and he was night, the moon and the sun, dark and light. his personality was spastic and mick himself was all over the place but his presence - his presence was definite, would always be definite no matter what happened even if there were some bumps along the road. he knew mickey was looking for an excuse, any excuse at all to keep zane away from him because he was afraid of hurting him. but zane was used to being hurt. zane was used to disappointment. and zane had faith that mickey wouldn't bring him either. and if he did, then he did. and zane would be angry, really fucking angry, and then he'd cool down like he always did and things would go back to normal and maybe then he'd be able to move on because he'd know for sure that things weren't going to work out. but he needed to give them a chance. he needed to know for sure. he couldn't sit there and just have mick say that he was going to hurt him. he needed to feel it himself because he'd been hearing that mick was bad news for years and it hadn't done shit to get rid of his feelings. maybe if he got hurt, maybe if mick crushed him...maybe that was what he needed. because then and there all he wanted was mick and all he dreamed of needing was mickey james wilson. it was stupid and it wasn't his wisest choice in the world but it wasn't something he could help. he loved him. and if mick wanted him to stop then he needed to first prove that he couldn't love him back. he looked up as remedy helped him transport some more silverware to the table, giving mick a small smile as remedy happily said, "i added the salt," a proud chef through and through. he turned his back to grab the breadsticks he'd made with his daughter and place a few on each plate, followed by a bowl of soup. remedy came up and put a spoon onto each plate next to the bowl, beaming up at her father before running over and putting her little arms around mickey in a tight hug. "i missed you," she said, looking up at him and zane felt his grin widen a bit. that was another reason to just love mickey - remedy loved him almost as much and he couldn't for the life of him resist when somebody was good with his daughter. "make that two of us," he added, taking his seat at the table. "but come on, both of you. dinner time." created by ADE! Pb-ified by WILL

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[mickey james wilson]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb= style, background-color: 6F434E; width: 420px; padding: 5 5 5 5px; border: 10px solid #2F2E2E;] two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl renee/zane - 694 - i apologize if this is shit people wouldn't stop talking to me twenty-five years. damn near twenty-five years he'd known zane mercer and there were some days where it really did shock him that they'd never done more than kissed before. all drunken kisses that ended with mickey being sexually frustrated and taking it out on someone else and zane being a prude. which was how mick had always described his best friend of his. a prude. he loved the other man to fucking death, but he was still a fuckin prude. and maybe there was just a part of mickey that knew that their friendship was worth more than whatever sex they would've had. zane had always been his best friend and he wanted to keep it that way. which meant not hurting him. which meant never going down that path with him. for whatever fucking reason though zane had this faith in him that he never had understood. sure, there had been a point in time in mick's life where he wasn't the ass hole that everyone knew him as. he always had been pretty distant from people emotionally, more than a bit loud and obnoxious. but that didn't change the fact that mickey wilson was how he was and even knowing all the things that he'd done -because lord knew everyone made sure to let zane know every time he fucked up- and he still had this unwavering faith in him. like he was some kind of good person under his fucked up ness. which wasn't to say that mick didn't appreciate it, he fuckin' did, but even he though that zane's view on him was a bit idiotic. something about being around remedy always brought up the best in him, though, which wasn't much, but there was some good there. if mick were to guess he would say that was the reason that zane stuck with his belief that mick had some soft center. because fuck if he knew what else could've had that best friend of his holding onto that train of thought. a wide smile took over his features though as he looked at the little girl. he didn't just look at her, though, he beamed at her like she was everything that was light in the fucking world. that was the best way that mick could ever be able to describe her. "ah i see so you're going to be trying to raise my cholesterol," the man said with a bit of a chuckle as he pulled off his jacket and let it drop to the floor. that smile didn't falter off of his features one bit, but instead grew, when rem came over to him hugging him. he bent down to pick her up and hug her tightly. "i missed you too boo. so much so that i cried for a whole hour being away from you," he teased simply before pressing a kiss to her temple and then setting her down. those browns of his moved to look at that best friend of his and it was only then that his grin turned into more of that lopsided smirk. "of course you missed me, i'm the effin' best," he spoke and gave the other boy a cheesy wink before taking his seat at the table. part of him wondering if zane was going to catch him with his half-assed censoring of his language. for as much as he knew that before the night was over they'd be picking up the conversation though, there was a part of him that hoped it wouldn't be brought up around remi. maybe she would end up being his saving grace with the whole thing, and zane just wouldn't bring it up around her. then between the time that it took for all of them to eat dinner, then get boo to bed zane would've been past it. knowing that best friend of his though, there was no chance of that. zane was, if nothing else, just as stubborn as mickey himself was. maybe more so when it came to certain topics. topics like the one of them being more than the best friends that they had been for almost three decades. oh how we found the same old fears TEMPLATE BY BROOKE~

[zane dominic mercer]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] FUCK THE PAST; THE FUTURE IS IN YOUR HAND The Words: lazy The Outfit: click The Notes aljdskf ZICKEY TEARS watching mickey with remedy, it wasn't hard for zane to see how he could be offended at zane saying that mick wasn't rem's parent. because honestly, if anyone deserved the title it was his best friend. shit, save for the fact that him and mick weren't actually together, he could see how it would be easy for anyone to think that they were rem's two dads when they were in situations like these. mickey loved his daughter. hell, zane knew it better than anyone because mickey was nothing but a perfect goddamn saint when he was around her and mickey was never, ever a saint. it was part of what zane loved so much about his best friend, and he couldn't keep the smile off his face at their interaction. he could sit there and watch mick talk to remedy for hours - shit, he'd done it before, just sat on the couch or walked around the park with them and watched as they played for hours together. they were a family. maybe not a proper family but god fucking damn it, they were. but it was more than just the fact that mick truly deserved that title of 'parent' that zane had been so careless as to let remedy bestow on marilyn earlier (and which he had since told her to stop saying by mickey's request). it was more than the fact that mickey had been there for twenty-five years. it was more than the fact that his place was with the mercers. it was more than the fact that that was mickey's place at the table. it was that zane was just in love with him. completely, pathetically in love with him and had been probably for longer than he ever could have realized. there was a reason he had never pushed his boundaries with mick even though he'd had plenty of opportunities. two men like them didn't know one another for nearly thirty years and never have the opportunity to have sex. but zane never did, just like zane never pushed limits with people he really cared for. mick always meant so much more to him than anything he could have done while drunk or high. mick was just...he was mickey. he was on a completely different level than everyone else. there were zane's acquaintances then his friends then the clan then there was family...and then there was mickey. he was a different brand of wonderful that he didn't know how to explain. he knew it sounded like he was just holding mickey up to impossible standards but if he was being honest, he was never disappointed by mickey or anything that he did. people tried to get him to be. he laughed at their efforts and brushed off their comments and though he knew some of them got really pissed about it, what did they want him to do? he couldn't help the way he felt, the way his stomach seemed to do flips whenever mickey smiled or how on good nights it was easy to just ignore everything so long as mickey was there. he couldn't stop the moments that he stopped to admire his best friend's looks or the way he could never seem to get enough of the man's features when he was in his line of sight. they were instinctive; natural. he didn't even realize the looks he was giving him half the time. and that was why he wanted to just...try it. get mickey at least to talk about it. he didn't want to have sex with mick. no, okay, that was a lie, he really wanted to have sex with mick. really did. but he didn't want to have sex with mickey just to have sex with him. he wanted to do it right, the way a relationship was supposed to be and though he knew that scared the hell out of mickey, it was because mickey had just...he didn't know anyone who knew him as well as zane did. none of those fucking girls or boys that he hooked up with knew him half as well as zane did, didn't know the first fucking thing about him. and zane was no one to get preachy about how he believed he could change bad people into good people because he honestly didn't believe that. but he knew for a fact that the mickey he saw at home was different than the mick everyone else saw. he knew for a fact mick could change for him. he knew that they could make it work. he watched as remedy pulled herself up onto her chair, sitting on her knees to sit at a comfortable height (she had tossed aside her booster seat a while ago, claiming that if kitty didn't need one, she didn't either) and leaned over to tuck a napkin in her shirt. she wrinkled her nose at him like she always did but didn't fight it now; she just let him do what he was going to do. odds are she'd just rip it off later anyway. he looked up at mick to give him a knowing "watch yourself" look at his lame attempt to cover up a swear word as he sat back in his seat and grabbed a breadstick. "agreed," he mumbled out, "more or less." he broke off some of the bread and took a small bite. he really was starving and though they had a lot to talk about, he did want to carry on through dinner. after a moment, though, he eventually looked up and said, "come to any conclusions while you were away, mick?" it didn't attract the attention of remedy, who was busy dipping her bread in her soup and eating it, humming quietly to herself as she did so, so he figured that was safe enough conversation. created by ADE! Pb-ified by WILL

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[mickey james wilson]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb= style, background-color: 6F434E; width: 420px; padding: 5 5 5 5px; border: 10px solid #2F2E2E;] two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl renee/zane - too many words - ily or wtfever mickey didn’t know how to do this. he had no clue how he was supposed to go about any of this, especially since he hadn’t even come to any sort of decision about anything while he was out at his own studio apartment staring into nothingness for hours. he should’ve, though, he should’ve come to conclusion as to what the fuck he was going to say, or so, or….he didn’t know. all that he knew that he wasn’t. hell he didn’t even know how he was going to go about avoiding the topic which lord knew he usually at least got that plan well and set. All of this only made him thinking that maybe…maybe he did want it. Maybe he did want to try this with Zane, deep down somewhere he wanted to give it a chance. But his mind knew that it wouldn’t work, that he would end up fucking up, because he was Mickey Wilson. He was a fuck up. It was the only thing that he had been good at in his life. Well that, and being around Remedy who seemed to always bring out the best in him that he’d never known that he had. That little girl was like some kind of magic. Some kind of wonderful that he had never known had existed and since the day she was born she had brought out a good side of him that he hadn’t even known existed until she came into the picture. Every single day that he spent with Rem he realized one more thing about him that might classify him as a good person. He had been there since day one, with Zane making sure to pick up and take over when Zane was at his wit’s end, and just being there for the both of them. It wasn’t all that hard to see why Mick had been so insulted when Zane let Rem call some woman who hadn’t been there for he didn’t even know how many months mom. She didn’t deserve the title. And maybe Mickey didn’t either, but he sure as shit was closer to deserving it than some girl who might just pack up and take off again without warning. For all the ways that Remedy did make Mickey a good person, though, for as much as he could seem to be a changed man when he was around just Rem and Zane, that didn’t change the fact that when he stepped foot out of this house hold he was not a good person. Hell even his own family didn’t like him the better half of the time and he really couldn’t blame them. He never knew when to stop running his mouth, he never knew when enough was enough. He was a drunk, he dabbled in other drugs, he had been caught streaking more than once in his life. His give a fuck was completely broken and he so easily was able to just not think about Rem when she wasn’t right there in front of him reminding him that there was someone worth being a good person for. Some little girl with bright eyes and a wonderful smile. A girl who made Mickey feel a love he didn’t know how to feel. He didn’t think, though, that he could let go of the person he most certainly was. That bad person. The person that all of his friends and family reminded Zane about over and over again. It was that person, the one that Mickey was convinced Zane just forgot about because he so often saw him around Rem, that he thought would end up hurting Zane. The person who forgot to call, the person who slept with whoever he wanted to. The person that he knew people had been trying to convince Zane of for years that he was better to leave as just a friend and nothing more than that. For as much as Mickey knew all these things, he also knew Zane, and he knew that just because there was that bad side of him, that didn’t stop that best friend of his from wanting to be more with him. And that, it scared the living fuck out of him. And during the entire time that he had been gone he hadn’t come up with one reason for them to not be together that Zane didn’t already know. When the question came he looked over at that friend of his with a raised brow. His eyes darting over to the little girl who was happily eating her soup and then back to his best friend. Had he come to any conclusions? No, he hadn’t, he hadn’t come to any sort of anything. But fuck he wished that he had. Or maybe that he just hadn’t come back, instead gone out and fucked whatever came his way. Because that was the way that he functioned, that was what he did, maybe Zane just needed a reminder of who Mickey James Wilson really was. After taking a bite of his bread and letting the silence hang in the air for a moment he leaned back in his seat. “No,” came his answer simply. It was the truth, so, why not state it as simple as it was. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place, facing the decision of having a relationship with his best friend and risking ruining it all because he was a fuck up, or just keeping things the way that they were and knowing that Zane wouldn’t give up so easily about something that he cared this much about. oh how we found the same old fears TEMPLATE BY BROOKE~

[zane dominic mercer]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] FUCK THE PAST; THE FUTURE IS IN YOUR HAND The Words: lazy The Outfit: click The Notes aljdskf ZICKEY TEARS zane wasn't stupid. maybe he'd made some dumb decisions in his life and maybe he was a little careless when it came to his actions towards the ones he loved and the lengths he would go to keep them. but the last thing that he was was stupid or blind to the bad things happening around him. if anything, he had the power of insight that helped him to realize when shit was actually falling to pieces. no, zane was smart. he had always been smart, in school, when it came to friends. he had always been able to be the other half of the wilson parentage so to speak. he and kendall just knew some things. it was easy, when you knew people as well as he knew the wilson clan and even the new additions like alec and brad were getting easier to interpret. there was no such thing as a secret among them - it always came out, even if it took a little while like with jagger and cain. and even then, everyone always knew those two had something going on, just no one ever thought to guess it was sex. so no, he wasn't blind to the things that mickey had done. shit, wasn't he one of the people who pulled him out of his worst situations? always? who helped him deal with crazy psychos who thought they could change him or legal problems or people who tried to get in fights with him? shit, if anyone in the world had a right to call mickey james wilson a bad person, it was zane mercer. he had seen every bad deed, been there since day one to witness the corruption of character. he had been with mickey for twenty-five years and while maybe it wasn't an actual relationship by any means, it still gave him more background knowledge on him than anyone else had. people could point fingers of blame all they wanted and call mickey a bad person every second of their lives but none of them truly had a right to. none of them actually knew him the way that he did. but the thing was that he wouldn't in a thousand years ever call mickey a bad person. even if mick did hurt him, he still wouldn't call him a bad person because he knew it wasn't true. bad people didn't know that they were bad people. that was what made them so bad. but zane knew mickey felt remorse. not for every individual crime so to speak but he did wish to be a better person. maybe it was a secret, something he kept bottled up inside, but zane had heard the words whispered quietly into his ear when mickey thought he was sleeping, had felt his arms enveloping him if only for a little while until he fell asleep. and in the morning mickey would be gone but his words stuck with him and zane knew...he knew mickey wanted to be someone good for him. he knew mickey wanted to change and even if he didn't think he could that was enough. it proved to him what everyone around him, even kendall, refused to acknowledge. mickey was a good person. he just needed someone patient, a guiding hand. someone who could be there for him and who understood him. someone like him. not that he was conceited by any means. he just knew looking at mickey that that was it for him. that was real. that was what he was on that earth to do, other than to bring the most beautiful little girl on the planet into the world. he was there because mickey was there, nothing more and nothing less, and everything else that happened in their lives was secondary. minus remedy, of course, but remedy even helped them on their road to becoming...what they were. a family. it was the only thing that made sense in the world, the only constant that zane wanted. maybe it wasn't easy and maybe it sucked sometimes and maybe every five months or so he had to get plastered to forget how jealous and angry he got sometimes at the other people in mick's life, but zane didn't care. he wanted that. he wanted mickey and he could search the world for a feeling as strong as what he felt for his best friend but he knew that he wouldn't find it. he wasn't really surprised by mickey saying he hadn't come to any conclusions. he figured. he hadn't greeted him in any intimate way and he hadn't run off to go and fuck some random slut in a bar so he figured there was still some ambivalence on the issue. but he had to make sure and he just nodded tightly at the 'no' that was mickey telling him that a few hours of thinking just wasn't enough. "i see," he responded and continued on eating his dinner, smiling over at remedy every time she looked up at him and occasionally wiping her face. he couldn't force mickey to come to any conclusions. he couldn't make him suddenly ready for a relationship. he just needed time, he supposed, and he was ready to give it to him but it didn't mean he wasn't going to press the issue. he was almost twenty-five. he was done playing games, done trying to get over his feelings. mickey was what he wanted; it was stupid to try to get anything else until he'd had a bite of what that relationship would be like. "you know i love you," he finally said after a few moments of silence, looking up at mickey. this caught remedy's attention but only for a second before she went back to slurping the broth of her soup to finish off her dinner. created by ADE! Pb-ified by WILL

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]